


The Gaila Show (feat. Jim and Leonard)

by hollyhawke, leatherandlightning (floatawaysomedays)



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Academy Era, F/M, M/M, star trek big bang
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-02
Updated: 2013-11-02
Packaged: 2017-12-31 05:09:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1027597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollyhawke/pseuds/hollyhawke, https://archiveofourown.org/users/floatawaysomedays/pseuds/leatherandlightning
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim gets drunk too often, Leonard doesn’t get drunk enough, and Gaila and Uhura make bets. An academy-era story about four friends featuring hover couches, prank wars, and Gaila being way cooler than you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Gaila Show (feat. Jim and Leonard)

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was written for the Star Trek Big Bang 2013 with our collaborators, nimhat and ecto_gammat, who did art and mixed for the fic respectively. We decided to participate in the Big Bang very impulsively at the last minute; this is the most wonderfully self-indulgent fic, and it was an absolute blast to write. We hope you enjoy reading it as much as we enjoyed writing it.
> 
> Please be aware that this fic contains drunken sex, implied depression, violence, slurs, and mentions of student/teacher relationships (in reference to canon Spock/Uhura). A Jim/Bones/Gaila threesome is alluded to, but not explicitly described.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” said Leonard as he surveyed his new dorm room. There had to be some mistake – at least, he wished there was. He was quite sure that it was his name on the door, but only because he’d checked. Twice.  His new home was dismal, at best; stark white walls and furniture that looked like it came from a damn catalog. He was a man who liked his comforts, and this wasn’t going to cut it, not without a lot of bourbon. And a decent mattress pad.

"What?" Jim shrugged. "It's not that bad." He flicked the single light on and off, fiddling with the tiny sink while Leonard seethed quietly. "See? Running water and everything. Anything more and they'd be spoiling you."

Leonard turned to glare at him. “Get out of here,” he growled, dredging up an impressive glare. “You aren’t even my roommate. And please, they’ve had water since the twentieth century, at least.”

Jim shrugged again and fumbled with the blinds until they opened. “Aw, you have a nice view,” he whined. “I get to look at the back of the science building, Bones, and that’s boring. Unless they blow something up.” He tilted his head to the side as he considered this possibility, in a way that would have been endearing, were he not so annoying.

“Besides,” he continued, “my roommate is here already, and he _stinks_.”

“What are you, eleven?” Leonard moved to inspect the rest of the place. The bedroom closet barely even qualified. It was a glorified kitchen cabinet with a bigger knob, and he said as much to Jim.

“Oh my God, are you going to complain about every single thing? Where’s the excitement? This is just the beginning, Bones. Glass should be half full, at least on the first day.”

“ _Excitement_? I’ve already spent eight years in school, you moron. College has kinda lost its appeal for me, and I’m pretty sure I had better digs when I was a freshman at Ole Miss.”

Leonard glared at him and added as an afterthought, “Stop calling me Bones. And I literally only care if that glass is full or empty if it has alcohol in it.”

“Alcohol?” Jim perked up. “Do you have alcohol? I could use some alcohol.”

“I could, too,” agreed Leonard, half-heartedly hoisting his duffel bag up onto his bed and pulling out a bottle. At least he got his choice of the two beds, seeing as he arrived first – not that there was much of a contest. He selected the one that would be hidden by the door when it was open.

“Wait,” Jim asked, looking confused. “Why are you in this slime pit with the rest of us if you’re a doctor? Shouldn’t you be in the graduate housing? I hear it’s nicer over there! You should complain.”

“I was a late recruit,” grumbled Leonard. “They gave me what was left, which was this, apparently.”

“Aw, cheer up, Bones – hey, look! Your roommate is here!”

Leonard attempted to down most of the bottle in one go before he met the person he’d be sharing a room with for, well, probably at least a year. Jim reached for the bottle, but his hand was promptly batted away.

“Oh, hi, it’s so nice to meet you!” Short, but stocky, the new guy stuck his hand out for Jim to shake, and grinned stupidly, starstruck. “You’re Jim Kirk, right? I’ve heard so much about you, gosh you’re so tall. Your father-”

Jim’s quick and easy smile dissipated. The hand he was shaking with went limp and lax. Leonard decided he hated the new guy, and his puke colored couch, immediately. He considered finding more booze, and agreed with himself that a secret stash was the only way he was going to survive.

He’d have to hide it somewhere where Jim couldn’t find it, he thought, then promptly reconsidered when he noticed the look on Jim’s face. Shit.

“Hate to break it to you kid,” he said, shouldering into the conversation, “but I’m your roommate, not Tall Blonde and Gorgeous over there.”

“Aw, Bones, you think I’m gorgeous?” The shit eating grin was back, but Leonard took a swipe at the kid and he skipped out of the room into the hallway, effectively making his escape.

“Oh.” The new roommate looked significantly less excited, and didn’t offer his hand for Leonard to shake. “Well, I’m Mike. Mike Smith.”

“Great, great,” muttered Leonard. “Now, where exactly do you think you’re gonna put that couch?”

“Uh –“

The ugly couch ended up under the window after some quick negotiating. Well, more like Leonard told Mike where the hell he could shove his couch so it was out of his damn way. It wasn’t like the kid had any idea of where he was gonna put it anyway. Leonard just made it easy for him.

Turned out Mike Smith snored something terrible. The noise, something more than a chainsaw, but not quite a jackhammer, kept Leonard twisting and turning all night. Between the snoring and the unfamiliar surroundings, he ended up with barely two hours of sleep to run on the next day.

At this rate, Starfleet Academy would kill him, and he was only on day two.

When Nyota saw that kid from the shuttle – Jim, she remembered his name was Jim  - bouncing around the dorms like an excited puppy, she barely refrained from rolling her eyes.  It figured that they’d live in the same building. She could only hope they didn’t live on the same floor – and that hope was short-lived when she spotted a room with “Jim Kirk” on the door, just a handful of doors down from her own.  It didn’t explain why he was in someone else’s room –that wasn’t exactly her problem.

Her roommate was already there and unpacking; upon entering the room, Nyota found herself faced with an absolutely <i>gorgeous</i> Orion girl. Her curly red hair set off her green skin perfectly, and she actually looked good in cadet reds, damn her.

She was already moving some of her stuff around the small room. A full suitcase and a duffel sat next to the closet, and she was considering the rest of the room very seriously as Nyota set her own things just inside the door; when she realized her roommate had arrived, she spun around and smiled brightly.

“Hi!” And a lovely smile to add to the list of attributes. Nyota liked her instantly. "I'm Gaila. It’s nice to meet you...?” She trailed off, and tilted her head, as if she should know the answer, but couldn’t pull the name from her memory.

“Uhura,” said Nyota, holding out a hand to shake. Gaila’s grasp was firm and confident, further impressing Nyota. “Nyota Uhura. It’s nice to meet you too, Gaila. What track are you on?”

“Engineering,” she replied, positively beaming. “Specifically with an interest in computer sciences. And you?”

“Communications,” said Nyota. “Specifically xenolinguistics.”

Gaila raised her eyebrows appreciatively. “I’ve heard xenolinguistics is tough, but I bet if you’re good at it, you could get posted anywhere you like.”

Nyota grinned. “That’s the idea,” she agreed. “I like to think I’m good at it.”

Gaila looked her over and then sighed, “Well, it’s lovely to meet you. You don’t happen to have an interest in interior decorating, do you? This place is...” She trailed off, gesturing with one hand.

“Awful?” Nyota tried. “Stark?”

“Boring.” Gaila agreed with a quick nod. “We need some spice for our blank canvas. I’m thinking colorful, but sophisticated.”

“Sophisticated, definitely.” Nyota considered it for a moment. “I think I’ve got just the thing.” She hauled her bag up onto the bed nearest to her, and rifled through it until she found what she was looking for; she pulled a thin tube out of the bag and popped the top off of it to slide out a poster. Gaila’s eyebrows progressed further and further up her forehead as Nyota unrolled it and she burst out laughing when she saw what was on it.

“Are you –“ she gasped, “are you serious? You’ve got to be joking, Nyota, I swear –“

“I’m joking,” Nyota giggled. “My brother gave me this when I enlisted, as a joke, I hope –“

“If I have to sleep at night with that creepy old bastard staring down at me, I swear I’ll move out.”

“I wouldn’t blame you,” agreed Nyota. They both took a moment to look at the life-sized poster of Admiral Archer, advertising Starfleet, before throwing it out unceremoniously.

They talked for a few minutes about who wanted which bed, and whether or not they should rearrange them to better fit the room. Gaila agreed that the beds would probably look better under the windows, facing the far wall. Nyota decided there would be just enough closet space to share, but the tiny, regulation dressers were definitely not going to cut it.

“I heard there’s this great place around the corner that has, like, furniture and shelving units. All sorts of cool stuff.” Gaila shrugged and tossed her suitcase on the bed she had claimed. “We should check it out later, if you want.”

“Definitely.” Surveying the walls, Nyota thought they could use a bulletin board of some kind, too. Or some wall art.

They spent the rest of the evening chatting and getting settled in, and soon enough they had a list of things they wanted to add to or improve on in their dorm room. Nyota went to bed feeling content; this seemed like the start of a promising roommateship.

“Bones.” Jim said. “Bones, this is our first class. Regulations, are you serious?” Why couldn’t it be something more exciting? Something they might actually use, like simulations, or navigation.

Instead, they were stuck in Starfleet Reports and Codes, waiting for the professor to show up. Jim was sitting behind Leonard, leaning forward in his seat.

Leonard was leaning away and rolling his eyes. He’d been attempting to ignore Jim for the last ten minutes but he finally gave in. “Listen, kid, I don’t make the rules.

“Well,  can I at least get a copy of your notes?”

“Like hell.”

“Aw, come on, Bones,” Jim whined. “Since you’ve spent so many years in school, I bet you take great notes. I’ll....pay you back.” He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Leonard snorted. “Take a look at my handwriting and see if you’re still interested, kid. I’m a doctor. We all have illegible handwriting. It’s the rules.”

Jim squinted at the scrawl on the inside cover of his notebook while Leonard rolled his eyes again.

“Besides,” added Leonard, “If you’re so intent on being a command track knucklehead, you’ll probably need to know these regulations.”

“Hey,” protested Jim, “Command track cadets aren’t knuckleheads. I’ll have you know that command –“

The professor’s arrival mercifully cut him short.

“Good afternoon, cadets.” The instructor’s smooth voice cut through the chatter, and Jim craned his neck to get a look at him. “I am Commander Spock, and I will be your instructor in Starfleet codes and regulations as per the syllabus, which has been downloaded to your PADDs.”

On the other side of the room, Gaila and Nyota were seated, watching the professor with equal interest.  Nyota had purposefully seated them a safe distance from Jim Kirk – who was hard to miss in a crowd, even in the sea of cadet reds – and ignored Gaila’s giggles that he was cute. He was cute, but looks weren’t everything.

Besides, this Commander Spock was more attractive, anyways. Nyota would never get tired of responsible people who took things like authority and rules seriously. She sighed in contentment and twirled her pen in her fingers, taking down the occasional note.

“This guy’s monotone is going to kill me,” whispered Gaila, leaning over so her comment wouldn’t be audible to their neighbors.

Nyota raised her eyebrows and shrugged sympathetically, but didn’t respond. Commander Spock had already reprimanded one cadet for whispering during his lecture, and she wasn’t about to be the next.

By the end of the lecture, though, even Nyota was bored. Two hours was too damn long to sit and listen about regulations and paperwork procedures, even for someone who cared about that sort of thing.

Her luck ran out when they left the lecture hall. In the throng of people all trying to get out the doors at once, she and Gaila bumped into Jim and a dark-haired man who looked several years older than they were, much to Nyota’s disgust.

“Hey!” Jim greeted her enthusiastically. “No first name. Uhura. How’s it going?”

“Fine,” she said, with a tight-lipped smile. She wanted to make the requisite small-talk and get out of there. “I do have a first name, you know,” she added. “I’m just not going to tell you what it is.”

“Aw, why not?” Jim pouted for half a second, and then grinned at her. The man next to him rolled his eyes.

“Jim,” he said, “Leave the nice ladies alone.”

“Maybe we don’t want to be left alone,” interjected Gaila suggestively, winking at Jim and Leonard. Nyota groaned and grabbed her by the arm.

“Don’t encourage them,” she muttered under her breath, but Gaila just laughed.

“Well,” Nyota said, “Seems like you at least have some common sense.” She directed this comment at the dark-haired man, who smiled at her politely.

“Name’s McCoy, Leonard McCoy. Sorry for that ape –“ he gestured vaguely at Jim, who was busy chatting with Gaila. “He followed me in and I can’t seem to shake him.”

Nyota laughed. “I’m Uhura – Nyota Uhura,” she added in a conspiratorial undertone. “You’re free to call me that. He’s not.”

Leonard chuckled. “Don’t tell him,” he advised. “Kid started calling me Bones about two seconds after I met him and I can’t get him to quit.”

The small group fought their way out of the building and onto the sidewalk. Nyota and Leonard looked at each other awkwardly for a moment, then Leonard shrugged.

“Nice to meet you, Nyota,” he said, offering a hand for her to shake. Nyota took it, and he shook her hand firmly. His hand was warm and dry – Nyota thought she remembered something about him saying something about being a doctor on the shuttle, but she wasn’t sure, and they hadn’t gotten that far in their small talk.

“My pleasure,” she responded smoothly. Leaving Jim and Gaila to their chattering, Nyota and Leonard parted ways, Nyota to her next class and Leonard to the Academy clinic.

Later that evening, there was a knock on Leonard’s door. He was getting up to answer it when the door swung open, and he was faced with Jim. Briefly, he was surprised that Jim even bothered to knock, but after that he was too concerned with how exactly Jim opened the door on his own when it was coded to Leonard’s student ID.

“How did you –“

“Don’t worry about it, Bones,” said Jim, flopping down on Mike’s bed and kicking his feet up. Leonard would have commented had it been his own bed, but given that it was Mike’s, he kept silent. He wouldn’t care too much if the kid’s pillow smelled like Jim Kirk’s sweaty feet.

“I’ll worry about it if I damn well want to. That door is coded to my ID number.”

Jim shrugged. “I hacked it.” He waved a hand in the air dismissively. “Big deal. You’ll thank  me someday.”

Leonard snorted. “Sure,” he agreed sarcastically. “I love having my privacy invaded.”

Jim didn’t seem ruffled by that at all. Instead, he changed the subject. “So how about that regulations class,” he said conversationally. “I see we have it with those two girls from down the hall.”

Leonard rolled his eyes. “Only saving grace of the whole class, I’m sure.”

“Nah,” disagreed Jim, “I’ll have to know that regulation stuff someday. It doesn’t make it any more interesting. And man, does that instructor have a stick up his ass or what?”

Leonard shrugged. “In my eight years of post-secondary education, I’ve had worse.”

Jim grinned. “I keep forgetting that you’re this experienced pariah among all of us plebes. So, tell me, Bones –“

“No,” Leonard cut him off flatly.

“You don’t even know what I was going to ask you!” Jim protested.

“So?”

“Okay, then. I was just going to ask you if you wanted to go get some dinner. And maybe some drinks. I hear there’s a good bar over on fifteenth, you know, with the good stuff. I just know you aren’t the type for cheap liquor.”

Bones eyed him for a moment, then sighed. “All right, kid,” he agreed. “We can go for dinner and drinks.” He was painfully aware at the moment that he didn’t have any friends here but this stubborn kid who’d invited himself in, for whatever reason.

“Great!” Jim nearly leaps up with excitement. “I hear the dining hall by the science buildings is the best, but we’ll have to sample them all, of course.”

“Of course.”

They ran into Gaila at the dining hall, which Leonard suspected was no accident. Unlike Nyota, she and Jim had hit it off instantly. Before Leonard knew it, they were deep in discussion about coding and what Gaila was studying, most of which Leonard didn’t understand at all. He was happy to sit and listen and pick at his dining hall food, which was, as predicted, lamentable.

“Let’s go out for drinks,” Jim said suddenly, changing the subject. He glanced at Leonard and smiled somewhat apologetically.

“Sorry, Bones,” he said. “I just get all excited about computers, and since Gaila here is studying them...well, never mind. I promised you a drink, and a drink you shall have.”

“I’ll comm Nyota,” said Gaila, “and see if she wants to come.”

It was on the tip of Leonard’s tongue to say that he had homework to do – he did –and that he didn’t want to stay out too late – he did have a class in the morning – but he decided not to. It would be nice to chat with Nyota again, and going out would be infinitely better than staying in his room all night, potentially with Mike.

He would have been better off staying with Mike, to be honest.

The bar was crowded. The kind of crowded that leaves you pushed up against everyone else. Leonard took two elbows to the stomach, and a knee to the crotch before he even sidled up to the bar - before he even got his drink, for that matter.

Figured that he’d end up sandwiched in the corner of the booth, nursing his beer.

Jim, the social butterfly that he was, was flitting around from booth to booth with Gaila. He was part celebrity, part popular kid, and he was pulling numbers faster than Leonard could drink. He had to wonder how many of those girls Jim actually called. The thought made him roll his eyes, and he took another sip of his beer.

Jim honed in on him next, although Leonard was pretty sure it wasn’t his number Jim was after.

“Come on, Bones!” he said, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “You’re at a bar. We’re out.” He gesticulated grandly, a wide sweeping gesture that encompassed the entire room. “Let’s do something.”

“Do what?” Bones asked, scowling at him. It wasn’t that he doesn’t like going out, precisely. It was that the place was too crowded, and too loud, and Nyota was nowhere to be seen, so he didn’t have anyone _reasonable_ to talk to.

And he knew exactly what Jim’s idea of ‘something’ was last time. Dancing on a table was one thing, but getting in a fight was another story, and Leonard wasn’t feeling overly joyful or overly pissed tonight.  Nor did he feel like putting bandaids on Jim’s wounds again - he had a feeling that enabling that kind of behavior would create a pattern, and he did not want bar brawls to become a pattern. Ever.

Jim was disturbingly comfortable with the whole thing, though. He shrugged. “I dunno,” he admitted. “Something exciting.”

Bones narrowed his eyes. “What if I told you that I have an idea?”

Jim laughed. “An idea? You, Bones? All right, let’s hear it.”

“How much do you know about hovers?”

Jim’s eyebrows shot into his hairline before he followed Leonard out of the bar.

They let themselves into an engineering lab. It was way after hours, so the place was deserted - although, Leonard noted, they weren’t _technically_ breaking and entering. Jim was wide-eyed and a little slack-jawed as he followed him through the corridors. Gaila trailed behind, looking amused. She’d told them as they were leaving the bar that Uhura had declined to join them, but she wasn’t about to let them leave her out of the action.

“So, we need,” Jim said as they were walking, “What did you say? A couch? Where are we gonna get a couch?”

“I think I know just the place.”

“What? Where?” Jim asked, bewildered.

“Detour!” called Leonard as he veered out one of the side doors and headed back to the dormitories, Jim and Gaila trailing behind him like ducklings.

That couch had to go. One way or another. This served two purposes: amuse Jim for a night and keep him out of trouble, and divest Mike of that ugly thing he called a couch that was just taking up too much space in their small living area.

It wasn’t like they were living at the Ritz.

And it would be simple to lift it from the room, child’s play, even. It was Leonard’s room after all; he had the damn key. And between the three of them, they’d be able to lift it.

Luckily for them, Mike wasn’t around, and with three people, it was easy enough to move a couch, even though they had to navigate it down the stairs. Why dormitories didn’t have elevators in the 2200’s, Leonard would never understand, but they managed.

They gathered some funny looks, dragging a couch around campus, but the engineering lab would be empty all weekend, and Leonard intended to take advantage of that while he had the opportunity.

“So, do you actually know how to attach hover components to this thing?” Gaila asked primly, inspecting her nails. She knew full well that Leonard most likely didn’t, but he let her have it.

“Nah. I thought that’s where you might come in, darlin’,” he said, smiling broadly. She actually did a little jump in glee, and pulled out her PADD and started compiling a list of what they would need and drawing up blueprints.

“Wow,” Jim whistled, looking from the couch to Gaila, and back to the couch. “Isn’t your roommate gonna miss his couch?”

Leonard just shrugged, smirking. Jim laughed and clapped him on the shoulder.

“Didn’t think you had it in you, Bones,” he said, grinning impishly.

“Watch it,” warned Leonard, elbowing him. Jim yelped in surprise and shoved him in return. “I’m not that much older than you are, you know.”

Damn kids, anyway.

It wasn’t long before Gaila had a plan drawn up, materials listed and numbered. Everything was so organized, Leonard could hardly believe his eyes.

He just wanted to get the couch out of his living room; he didn’t want to send the thing into space. He was pretty sure Gaila could manage that, though, if she really wanted to.

“This should do it. A few nicks there, a tuck here.” She gestured at the PADD, and nodded at the offensive couch in question. “Should be easy enough. We could even get started tonight, if you wanted.”

“Let’s do it,” said Jim decisively, rubbing his hands together. He reminded Leonard of a small child in his enthusiasm. “I want to have this thing ready to take to class on Monday morning.”

“Challenge accepted,” said Gaila, raising her eyebrows and smirking. “All right, grab that screwdriver and get to work.”

“Yes ma’am.” Jim saluted her cockily and did as he was told.

“Where have you _been_?” muttered Nyota blearily as Gaila slipped into their dorm room. Gaila winced; she had done her best to be quiet. “Sorry,” she whispered, and she heard a rustling of blankets.

“I was still awake,” said Nyota, somewhat more clearly. “You didn’t answer my question, though. Where have you been?” She sounded genuinely curious.

“You’ll never guess what Leonard came up with tonight.”

“Probably not.” Nyota admitted. Normally, Leonard didn’t give too much input on the goings on unless he had something very interesting to say. And there was no planning what would come out of his mouth at any given time.

“Well we were at a bar, and then Leonard starts going on about a hover couch. So we break in-”

If Nyota hadn’t been fully awake before, she definitely was then. “What?”

“No, just wait. It gets better.” Gaila said, sitting on the edge of the bed. “Jim and I rigged this ugly ass couch to hover with equipment from engineering. I drew up the plans, and  -”

“Wait, hold on a second,” said Nyota, not believing what she’d just heard. “A _hover couch_? Leonard?”

Gaila giggled. “His roommate brought this god-awful puke-colored nightmare couch with him, and Leonard didn’t like it...so, he suggested we repurpose it a little.”

Nyota raised her eyebrows, torn between disapproval and amusement. “Isn’t his roommate going to notice that the couch is gone? And be, I don’t know, mad about it?”

Gaila shrugged. “Not my problem, and Leonard didn’t exactly seem concerned about it.”

Nyota groaned. “So when are you going to make this feat of engineering known to the world?”

Gaila grinned mischievously. “Very soon.”

Very soon came on Monday morning.

They didn’t take into account the narrowness of some of the hallways, but it seemed to work out fine otherwise. The couch was large enough to fit at least three people, and with Leonard shoved against Jim, they managed to cram Nyota on the other end.

A sight they made.

Leonard wasn’t planning on actually riding the damn thing. It hadn’t even crossed his mind that Jim would rope him into it,but  a hand on his shoulder, a quick grin, and he was sitting next to Captain Kirk of the mighty Hover Couch.

Ridiculous.

Gaila had this crown on her head, made from the cushions they didn’t use. Nyota fashioned it for her, and she was directing the idiots in the hall around the couch while pointed her scepter made from the legs of the couch.

No parts went to waste, that was for sure.

And the sad part was, it actually worked. Between the four of them, the stupid couch moved them to their first class with ease.

The best part, without any doubt, was the look on Mike’s face when they pulled up to the sidewalk outside the lecture hall. Gaila coached Jim through parallel parking the couch, and they all stood up. It was a little undignified, but no one cared, because Mike had stopped dead in the sidewalk and was staring at them, gaping openly.

“That’s,” he started incredulously, pointing, “That’s my couch!” He glared accusingly at Leonard. “You told me you didn’t know what happened to it!”

Leonard shrugged. “I lied,” he said simply; Jim guffawed, and they blew past Mike into the lecture hall, laughing.

When Professor Spock entered the room, he had a particularly miffed air about him.

“I bet he was impressed by our couch,” Jim whispered to Leonard, smirking. Leonard raised an eyebrow.  
  
“I bet he wasn’t,” he answered. “Look at him. He looks like someone put soured milk in his coffee this morning.”

Jim stifled his laughter and swapped glances with  Gaila, who was making no efforts to hide her smile. Uhura was at least attempting to keep a straight face and take notes.

They left the lecture in high spirits, congratulating each other on their own cleverness.

“I want a ride home on the hover couch,” declared Gaila, hands on her hips. “Since I didn’t get to ride it this morning.”

Jim mock bowed to her, taking her hand. “Of course,” he said smoothly. Turning to Uhura, he asked, “Would you care for an escort as well?”

Uhura rolled her eyes, but she was smiling. “I have another class, but I appreciate the offer.”

“Maybe Bones can walk you to class,” offered Jim, smirking lecherously, and Leonard elbowed him, rolling his eyes.

“I’d be happy to, darlin’,” he said politely to Uhura. “Ignore the monkey over there.”

“And who said chivalry was dead?”

As JIm and Gaila drove away, Leonard could hear them discussing upgrades to the couch.

“It needs a horn,” Jim declared loudly. “And a name! If I’m a captain, my ship has to have a name!”

“Who gives a fuck, Jim?” he shouted at the retreating pair.

“That’s it!” Jim screamed back at him. “The USS Who Gives a Fuck!”

“Jesus,” muttered Leonard, pinching the bridge of his nose in mock despair. Next to him, Nyota was giggling. “Great idea,” she said. “I think it really sums up the spirit of the project.”

“Oh, shut up.”

The next day was a Down Day. Mike hadn’t taken the loss of his couch well; of course, Leonard had predicted this, but he hadn’t predicted the way that his roommate’s constant sulking and barbed remarks would wear on him. He hadn’t yelled, but it was almost worse that way. And, coupled with a terrible shift at the Academy clinic, at the end of the day, Leonard was left with a headache and a deep kind of exhaustion that he couldn’t shake.

On Down Days, sleeping it off didn’t help. He woke up in the morning still tired, head throbbing, and feeling like getting out of bed was comparable to scaling the Great Wall of China. Leonard drug himself out of bed with sheer force of will and habit combined with several years of practice and proceeded to take the day one thing at a time - get dressed, brush your teeth, eat breakfast - until he was through with his morning classes.. He hadn’t seen Jim yet, but he bypassed meeting him for lunch in favor of going back to his room and crawling back into bed. He could even stay there; he didn’t have to work that night, nor did he have any homework that couldn’t be postponed.

He hadn’t been in bed for five minutes when his PADD started blinking and beeping at him. Leonard glared at it, warring with his sinking feeling that it was probably Jim and the guilt that came with blowing him off. The guilt won out, and he reached for the PADD.

JTKIRK (12:07): hey bones, where are you

Leonard held the PADD up over his head, rolling onto his back. After considering his message for a moment, he typed out a quick response.

LHMCCOY (12:10): Not feeling well. See you tomorrow maybe

Jim’s response was almost immediate.

JTKIRK (12:11): are you sick??

Usually, it was easy enough to imply illness and get away with not answering too many questions, but of course, that wouldn’t work with Jim Kirk. It couldn’t be that easy.

LHMCCOY (12:15): no

Jim didn’t message him back after that, so Leonard put the PADD back on his bedside table and rolled onto his side for a nap.

He hazily heard the door open a few hours later and cracked an eye open, prepared to snarl at Mike, but it wasn’t Mike that was in his room.

“Oh, shit,” whispered Jim, “he’s sleeping, let’s get outta here before we wake him up-”

“I’m already awake, you moron,” growled Leonard, mustering up his best ‘are you fucking kidding me’ face. “You’re about as loud as a herd of damn elephants. You might as well have started a damn stampede in my dorm room.”

“Sorry,” said Jim, backpedalling. “We should just leave -”

“We?” asked Bones, resigning himself to being awake. He rolled over and sat up, trying to straighten his bedhead with one hand and supporting himself with the other. Jim was trying to back out of the room, but Gaila was standing behind him with a hand on his back.

“Oh,” he said sheepishly. “Hello, Gaila.”

She smiled at him.

“Hello Leonard,” she said serenely. “Sorry to disturb you. We were just concerned. Is there anything we can do for you?”

“Uh, not really,” said Leonard. He swung his legs over the side of the bed, sitting up fully, and suddenly self conscious of the way he’d fallen asleep in his cadet reds without even bothering to change. They were all rumpled, and he smoothed the fabric self consciously with his hands.

“I brought you lunch,” said Jim weakly, holding up a wrapped sandwich and an apple. “Just in case, you know, you were hungry.”

“Thanks.” Leonard took the sandwich from him, inspecting it briefly. Ham - his favorite. It figured that Jim would have noticed that. “Uh, I’m not really hungry, but -” he gestured vaguely at the fridge in the corner - “maybe later. Thanks.”

“Uh, sure.” For once in his life, Jim looked uncomfortable, fidgeting with the buttons on his sleeves and shifting from foot to foot.

Leonard sighed. “Look, Jim, don’t worry about me,” he said. “I’ll feel better tomorrow. Promise.”

“If you say so,” said Jim, openly dubious. “I’ve gotta go to class, but... you’ve got my comm number, right?”

“Obviously,” said Leonard dryly.

“You know, uh, use it. If you want to.”

“Like you use mine, at all hours of the night?”

Jim laughed, the most genuine Leonard had seen him in the entire time he’d been there. “Yeah, like that, Bones. Anytime. I’ll catch you later.” This time, when he tried to leave, Gaila let him slip around her, and he waved jauntily on his way out.

“I don’t have class this afternoon,” Gaila offered quietly. “I can stay if you’d like.”

Leonard considered her offer for a moment. Some days he wanted to just be left alone, but today some company didn’t seem like a bad thing.

“Sure,” he said, scooting over to make room for her on the bed. “Thanks.”

“No problem.” She smiled at him.

She shifted ever so slightly so their knees were touching, but it was quite some time before she broke the silence.

“Anything you’d like to talk about?” she asked gently. It didn’t feel like a thinly-disguised inquiry about his well-being; it felt more like an open invitation to start a conversation, and it made Leonard wish he did have something to talk about.

He cleared his throat. “Not really,” he admitted. After a few minutes, he added, “Just a bad day. It happens, sometimes.”

Gaila nodded, as though she knew what he was talking about. Leonard wondered if she did. She shifted a little closer, so that their thighs were touching, and Leonard leaned into her. It had been a long time since anyone had touched him just to be touching him, and she was a warm and comforting presence.

She wrapped an arm around his back. Her shoulder was bony and not entirely comfortable to lean on, but Leonard didn’t mind. When he started dozing off, Gaila giggled softly and guided his head down to her lap and played with his hair until he fell asleep.

When he woke up a few hours later, it was dark in his room and she was gone. Mike was, thankfully, absent. When he flipped on the light, he found a note on his pillow with her comm number. It simply said,

“Anytime.

-G”

“It’s my turn,” Jim said reasonably. Calmly, even.

“No.” Gaila shook her head and pointed at the couch in question. “It was your turn last time.”

“Aw, come on.” Jim whined, a little less reasonable now. “You can’t let it slide just this once?”

“We had a schedule, and I’m not letting you deviate from it just because you want to take Leonard to class. If we operated like that, you’d always end up at the helm. And that’s not fair for anybody. What if Nyota wanted a turn?”

“Oh, no. Don’t bring me into this.” Nyota yelled over her shoulder. “I don’t want a turn!”

“Well, I _am_ the Captain,” Jim said seriously.

“Do I look like I care?” She didn’t.

“Okay kids,” Leonard stumbled out with a travel mug in one hand  He looked considerably  brighter this morning. His shoulders weren’t weighted down, and he stood straighter. More confident. “What are we fighting about so early in the goddamn morning?”

“Jim wants to drive-”

“It’s my turn-”

“No it’s not-”

“Would you two give it a rest!!” Leonard shouted. “For pete’s sake, it’s just a couch.”

They both glared at him.

“This is important,” argued Jim, and Gaila nodded in agreement, crossing her arms and looking at him a bit menacingly. Leonard took a step back.

“Tell you what,” he said, taking a hearty swig of his coffee. “I’ll drive, and then neither of you can complain about it.”

“But -” Gaila started to object.

“Okay!” Jim seemed entirely too enthusiastic about the whole thing, and Leonard started to wonder just what he’d gotten himself into. But it was too late to back out. Especially when Jim looked like an overeager kid on Christmas.

How hard could it be? It wasn’t like he was piloting an actual ship. It was just a _couch_.

It turned out, it could be hard.

“Why won’t people just get out of my fucking way?” he yelled. He had rolled his eyes when Gaila proposed installing a horn, but now he was starting to see the benefits. He had to swerve just to avoid running down some dopey first-year, and he nearly ran them up the curb in the process. He was swearing so loudly someone was probably going to pull them over and write him up any minute. Someone needed to install traffic lights in this damn hallway.

He was lucky Professor Spock didn’t write him up when he had to pull the emergency brake to avoid killing him just outside his lecture hall. Jim and Gaila were laughing so hard they couldn’t even get off the couch, and Leonard turned a truly remarkable shade of red and stammered an apology. Spock turned and marched haughtily into the hall without even saying a word.

When they reemerged from the lecture hall, teasing Leonard about his driving, the couch was gone.

“What the fuck?” Jim screeched when they noticed the couch’s rather conspicuous absence. “What the _absolute fuck_?”

“Well, someone obviously wanted the couch for themselves.” Gaila said.

“Yeah, but how did that even happen?” asked Jim, outraged. “We installed that recognition system, right? The finger print one? I thought you made it so that couch can’t be driven by just anybody, you know!”

“Obviously someone hacked it, moron.” Leonard rolled his eyes. “It’s not like they broke into Starbase XIII or something.”

“Someone hacked _my_ program.” Gaila seemed absolutely outraged, flushing a deep green color and putting her hands on her hips. “I’m gonna kill them. Kill them, and feed their liver to my goldfish.”

“Your blueprints were flawless, Gaila, I’m sure it wasn’t your fault.” Leonard said. “But… were there any safeguards against someone just picking it up and walking away?”

Jim and Gaila looked at each other for a moment, speechless.

“Shit,” said Jim, then burst out laughing.

Their first step was to  hack into the security cameras surrounding the building - small potatoes for someone like Gaila.

“We’ve gotta figure out who did this,” muttered Gaila as she typed furiously into her PADD. “There was a camera _right there_ , and whoever took our couch probably waved to it while they were doing it. And I am gonna get them _so good_.”

“Remind me never to piss you off,” agreed Leonard. “You’re scary. You get ‘em, darlin’.”

“So, what’re we gonna do to this guy when we get him?” asked Jim, inspecting his uniform sleeves for imaginary lint.

“I like how you assume the culprit is male,” said Gaila primly. “Obviously, we’re gonna wreak havoc on his _or her_ personal and professional existence.”

“Yeah, obviously, but I was thinking more like, specific details,” countered Jim. “What if we use our superior technology skills to hack into his comm and send out embarrassing shit?”

“Too predictable,” drawled Leonard. “Come on, that’s like, the first thing I thought of.”

“Fine.” Jim scowled. “We should program something to scare him. A robot or something.”

“Hang on,” muttered Gaila, tapping furiously at her PADD. “I think I’ve got it.” She held up the PADD triumphantly, beaming. “Okay, prepare to behold the face of our unfortunate victim!”

Sure enough, the theft had been caught in the act right on camera. Jim frowned indignantly as he watched a couple of guys literally pick up their couch and walk away with it. Gaila manipulated the PADD to zoom in on the face of the guy who seemed to be directing the whole affair.

“Wait, I know him,” exclaimed Jim. “That’s Cupcake. I got in a fight with him the night before I signed on.”

“Well, no wonder he likes you,” said Gaila sarcastically. A few keystrokes in a face recognition program pulled up his cadet profile. “His real name is Cadet Hendorff, and that ought to give us everything we need to know about him.”

“Well, going back to the previous discussion. He’s terrified of mice, if that helps.” Leonard put in, helpfully.

“How do you know that?” asked Gaila suspiciously, looking up from her PADD. Leonard grinned.

“I know things too, you know. It’s in his medical file,” he admitted, “I did his physical last week. But if you ever tell anyone I told you that, I will deny it until the end of my days.”

“Yeah, that’s good. We could definitely use that.” Jim mused. “Gaila, could you come up with a remote controlled mouse?”

“One that moves? Not from scratch under these time constraints. But,” A grin spread across her features. “I do have something I’ve been working on that might do the trick.”

“Really?”

“Of course,” said Gaila, rolling her eyes. “Really, Jim, who do you think I am?”

“I think you’re awesome,” interjected Leonard, and she winked at him.

“Now, I’ve been working on this hoverbot designed to function as a portable medical scanner and communications device for my engineering doctorate. Say, in the event that the ship were to lose environmentally-controlled gravity factors, the bot would still function if you’d dropped your comm or your tricorder. I have a couple of prototypes sitting around, and I’m pretty sure I could modify one….”

Jim and Leonard listened to her explain the project with increasing awe. Jim reminded Leonard of a kid in a candy store, he looked so delighted with Gaila’s proposition.

“Let’s do it,” he said decisively.  

It took about a week working evenings and any spare moments during the day for Jim and Gaila to prepare it. Jim spent that entire week whining.

“Shut up, Jim.” Leonard was sick of it by day two, and Jim was sitting on MIke’s bed while Leonard tried to write his essay. It was almost impossible to work.

“But -”

“Shut _up_ , Jim. I don’t give a fuck about the couch right now. I’m trying to work, in case you hadn’t noticed.”

“But that fucker stole my couch! He stole my damn couch!”

Leonard rolled his eyes, exasperated. “So go bother Gaila about it! She’s the one with all the techno-know-how!”

“I have to exact my revenge,” Jim muttered angrily.

“So do it.”

They did.

They cobbled together something that could be controlled by a remote, if necessary. It also made noise, and could talk. Jim started calling it The Parrot, rather affectionately.

Gaila kept reminding him that it was a tool for revenge, and not a pet.

Once Nyota found out about their little plan she put her own spin on it. She transcribed a list of curses and insults from all sorts of languages, and gave them to Gaila to program in with the remote. Leonard had the last great addition.

“It should shit on him.”

 

“What?!” Gaila broke out laughing. “You can’t be serious.”

“He took our couch. I’m dead serious.”

Jim and Nyota were laughing too hard to even speak, but he took that as a sign of agreement.

“I think I can do that,” said Gaila, whipping out her PADD. “What if it shits motor oil? It’ll never come out of his uniform, and it needs it anyways…..so it wouldn’t be damaging to the machine itself.”

“Perfect,” agreed Leonard, grinning wickedly.

They put the finishing touches on The Parrot not long after. Gaila collected enough motor oil to make the automation annoying for at least eight hours, and programmed it to clamp onto the shoulder just hard enough to be uncomfortable.

“Are you sure you don’t wanna cause him physical pain?” asked Jim, looking a little wistful as she tested the strength of the parrot’s grip on her own shoulder. She shook her head.

“No, I don’t much fancy being charged with assault if it breaks him and we somehow get caught. That would be fun, though.”

“Gotta agree with Gaila,” said Leonard. “Besides, if he comes into the clinic, I’m not sure I’d be able to stop laughing long enough to treat him.”

“Fine.” Jim sulked a little, but quickly brightened again. “Hey,” he said. “Are we gonna get someone to video this from afar? I know there’s video in the parrot so we can see what’s happening, but a third person perspective would be...excellent.”

“I think that can be arranged,” said Leonard.

They debuted The Parrot the next day. Gaila skipped her morning classes to pilot it remotely and monitor the video feed; she would relay any information about the couch’s whereabouts to Jim. It was his and Leonard’s job to retrieve the couch if and when its whereabouts were discovered.

This was all very coordinated in theory, of course. When it came down to actually executing the daring plan, it was hard to keep a straight face while stealing back a hover couch.

The ridiculousness of the entire situation hit Leonard smack dab in the chest. “We are stealing back a couch while Gaila distracts this guy. It’s like a bank heist, we’ve planned it so well. What has the world even come to? I thought-” He broke off in fits of giggles. Jim stared open-mouthed at him, unable to look away. “We were supposed to be professionals.”

“Bones, the couch was your idea.”

Leonard recovered a little, but huffed a laugh nonetheless. “Don’t I know it.”

“I’m never gonna let you forget it,” confirmed Jim. They’d found the couch stashed in the basement of Cupcake’s dorm, and they had to navigate it back up the stairs before they could drive it off into the sunset. “Okay, now lift your end a little higher and twist it that way -”

“Would you slow down? I’m the one going backwards!” Leonard snapped.

“All right, all right. Hurry up, before somebody catches us.”

Once they had maneuvered the couch back to street level, Jim perched on the arm rest like a bird and shouted, “Buckle up, Bones! Here we go!”

Leonard had to fling himself onto the couch as Jim started accelerating before he was even seated, and they whizzed across campus, laughing as they passed Cupcake, who was being heckled by a mechanical parrot that kept darting just out of his reach every time he swatted at it. He gaped at them in open astonishment, and they waved merrily as they drove on by. When they got back to their own dorm, they sat on the couch for a full minute, trying to catch their breath.

“Okay,” said Jim, wheezing. “Now that that’s over, we have _got_ to install some sort of lock on this thing.”

“I’ll second that motion.”Leonard sighed and relaxed into the cushions. “And tell Gaila the horn is a definite green light.”

“This is the most fun I’ve had in years.” Jim said quietly. “Damn good idea you had, Bones.”

“I’m not always the lame old doctor that hangs out with you.” Leonard said, staring at the sky. “I used to be fun.”

“Bullshit.” Jim countered good-naturedly. “You’re still fun.”

Somewhere between the stolen couch and the revenge plans, Leonard found out that he was failing one of his core classes.

Flight Simulation.

He needed it to graduate, for obvious reasons, so failing was clearly a very bad thing. But no matter how hard he seemed to try, how diligent he was about attending class and turning in his papers, Leonard just couldn’t get past one little detail.

The practicals.

He bothered to try them out once, just to see how hard they. Just to test his limits.

That was a bad idea.

Without the practicals, his instructor had sent several bulletins and other items of interest to inform Leonard that he was, indeed, fucked. LIke Leonard didn’t already realize that. Fuck you very much.

So, naturally, the nosy little shit that he happened to be, Jim found out during one of his system hacks, and decided to nag Leonard about it excessively. Obnoxiously. To the point where Leonard was ready to tear his hair out.

“If you don’t leave me alone, they’ll never find your body.”

“Aw, come on, Bones,” Jim whined. “I know exactly what to do. You can’t fail that class, you’ll never graduate.”

“I’ll just keep taking it until I do.” Leonard said reasonably. It made more than enough sense. Eventually one of the instructors would take pity on him, and let him pass with an extra paper or a test or something.

Anything but that damn practical.

“That’s stupid.”

“I _told_ you. I’m-”

“Terrified of flying, yeah, yeah. I know.” Jim walked a quick circle around Leonard’s room, pacing, hands on his hips. “But you cannot resign yourself to failure. Not when you have a Jim Kirk to help you. What if we tried to practice. Just once.”

LIke a dog with a bone, Leonard thought, let it never be said that Jim Kirk was not stubborn as all get out. If he didn’t agree to something now, he was only liable to end up listening to this for the rest of this semester, and the next.

Better just to bite the bullet, so to speak.

“Once?” Leonard said dubiously, tossing his notebook on the desk. “Just one shot, that’s all you get. And then I don’t want to hear anything about it. No pleading. No begging. None of those stupid lovesick eyes you flash to Gaila to make her fall under your charms.”

“Gaila loves me.” Jim smiled, like he knew he was full of shit. Gaila didn’t fall for anyone unless she had an ace up her sleeve.

Leonard stood up and stretched his arms over his head before pointing at Jim. “Not as much as she loves _me_.”

“Point, Bones.” Jim laughed, and headed towards the door. “This afternoon?”

“Sure. But just remember-”

Jim was already almost down the other end of the hallway, but he shouted back over his shoulder. “Yeah, one shot. I got it.”

“This is a bad idea.”

“You’re overreacting. Just calm down and relax. It’s only a simulation.” Jim tilted his head to the right, towards Leonard. “Want me to hold you hand?”

“I’m not five, Jim.” Leonard snapped. “I don’t need you to be hand-holding or coaxing. I don’t need you here-”

“Oh, shut up.” Jim slammed his hand on the red button to start the simulation, and the chair immediately tilted . Leonard gripped the arms of his chair, hard, and closed his eyes. He couldn’t help it; he gritted his teeth and braced his feet on the floor.

Jim didn’t even blink.

“You’re so tense. Why are you so tense?”

“Maybe because I _hate flying_.” Leonard practically hissed.

“It’s all mind over matter, you realize. Like, you’re not actually in space. Your ass is sitting on the ground in a building that is cemented to the ground. Technically, we can’t take off anywhere, Bones. It’s all fake.”

“I know that, okay?” His knuckles came unglued from the chair as Jim pressed the button again. “I know it, but my body doesn’t seem to care. Some of us weren’t built for space, kid. Let’s face it, I’m an outdated model.”

“So you need an upgrade.” Jim smiled. “Lucky for you, I know a guy.”

Jim climbed out of his chair and pressed the button again. The false bridge began to move and rock, just like it would if a ship was at warp. Leonard slammed his back into the chair again, and closed his eyes.

Jim started yelling. “Oh, shit! Someone help, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!!” He was laid out on the floor not three feet from where Leonard was sitting, with one eye open staring up at Leonard, one hand over his heart. “Someone call a doctor!”

“You gotta be kidding me.” Leonard muttered to himself, trying to keep his lunch down. “This kid is one sandwich short of a picnic.”

“Your Captain is dying over here!”

“Not my Captain!” Leonard shouted back as the room gave a sickening lurch.

Funny thing was, the worse the simulation got, Leonard was still focused on Jim on the floor. As stupid as it seemed, his mind was more preoccupied with the idiot lying there than it was about the way everything spun.

Jim was playing dead extraordinarily well, in fact. Silent as the grave, Leonard actually cracked his eyes open to make sure he was still alive, and Jim had his own closed.

It was a bit worrying. Something started a war within him. The deeply ingrained _help the patient_ fought against the instinct to stay right where he was, in his chair, strapped down. Safety versus protocol.

The doctor in him won out. He unclipped his belt buckles with shaky hands, and managed to get on all fours very, very slowly. Mumbling the whole way.

“I hate you. I hate this. I hate spaceships. Damn you, Jim. I swear to God once I get over there I’m going to put my fist through your face if you don’t get up.”

But as soon as he was a hand’s width away, the asshole jumped up off the floor and moved backwards, grinning like the cat that got the cream. “Now, that wasn’t so bad, was it? Come on, Bones, just a little bit more. You can do it. I’ll even let you hit me.” Jim clapped his hands together, and made a bring it gesture. “Free shot. On the house.”

“Let me. Like I need you to let me do anything.” Leonard placed both hands on a neighboring console, and ended up with both feet on the floor. He actually wasn’t doing half bad. “Just you wait until I get over there.”

“Bring it old man.” Jim’s grin widened, impossibly, as Leonard took two confident steps towards him. It was like encouraging a toddler to walk, he thought. Give them the right motivation, put your hands out just so to encourage them, and they’d be running before you knew it. “Give me your best shot.”

Leonard took three more steps to Jim’s one, timing it with the way the simulation rocked, and tackled his ass to the floor. They both spilled over in a heap together, legs and arms tangling until one ended up with a slight advantage, and seized it.

“How’s that for an old man?” Leonard said, pinning Jim to the floor with one arm.

“Not bad.” Jim conceded breathlessly, his grin still set in place. “I think you’ll pass. You rounded the corner and everything.”

“Yeah this one.” Leonard sat back. “But what about the other two?”

“Mind over matter. You’ve got the hang of it now. I think you’ll be okay.” Jim got up and dusted imaginary dirt from his pants. Leonard watched him for a few moments as they both sobered.

“Like I care what you think.”

“‘Course not.” The corner of Jim’s mouth tilted upwards. His eyes were smiling. “But you don’t care what anyone thinks, do you Bones?”

Leonard guessed that wasn’t entirely true. He cared that his instructor passed him on every one of the simulations after Jim’s trick. All he had to do was imagine a bleeding Jim on the bridge, and he was out of that seat in record time. Spaceship in flight be damned.

Just like Jim promised, Leonard passed his next flight sim. Maybe not with flying colors, but good enough. To celebrate, they all went out to drink - on a Thursday night, no less. It was an occasion.

They drank enough to make the evening fun, but refrained from overdoing it. They all had class the next morning, and this close to finals everyone wanted to be at their best.

Didn’t stop Jim from dancing on the bar and lip syncing like an overgrown teenie bopper to some pop song. Didn’t deter him from playing the air guitar one-handed.

And, okay, so maybe Leonard thought it was entirely in character to be the life of the party, but that didn’t mean he had to join in. He was perfectly happy nursing his beer with Nyota in the corner booth, watching Gaila and Jim sing and spill their beer on each other.

It was a good night. Great, even. Leonard felt relaxed like he hadn’t in ages.

Not so much the next morning.

“You have got to be fucking kidding me!”

Leonard could hear Jim screaming from the shower all the way in his dorm room. It was too late for him; his hair was already neon pink. Idly, he wondered what color hair  Jim would have when he inevitably started pounding on Leonard’s door in approximately thirty seconds.

When he opened his door, it was to a yellow-haired Jim. Not his usual sandy blonde; oh, no. It was almost a perfect replication of the pukey yellow color they called “command gold.” Leonard had to appreciate the guy’s sense of humor -he had to assume, of course, that this was Cupcake’s response to The Parrot.

It wasn’t long before Nyota and Gaila joined Jim at Leonard’s door, both looking murderous. Nyota had been the best off, with her dark hair; it had a deep purple tinge, but it wasn’t nearly as noticeable as Gaila’s electric blue hair. Gaila was positively seething with rage; Leonard was pretty sure she was actually shaking. It couldn’t be good for her blood pressure.

“So, what are we gonna do about it?” Leonard drawled. He was already well resigned to going to class with pink hair. He’d done enough organic chemistry work and lab synthesis to know that it would take more than some color remover to take care of this, if Cupcake knew his stuff. Which he probably did. He knew what they were capable of, after The Parrot.

“Kill him,” whispered Gaila. “I’m not kidding.”

“I don’t consent to being an accessory to murder,” declared Nyota, scowling. “But I would certainly consent to some maiming.”

Predictably, class was a nightmare. No one _said_ anything, but about everyone in the room tossed them an amused look. And there were those audible, but indiscernible, whispers that were very obviously about them. Leonard spent the entire period fidgeting uncomfortably, trying not to catch his own reflection in his PADD. Pink really wasn’t his color.

“This is escalating.” Leonard said in the hall during their next break between classes. “What’s next? Ex Lax?” He paused. “Actually, please Lord, no,” he added as an afterthought. “‘Cause I’ll be the one in the clinic treating your sorry asses.”

“That’s not funny, Bones,” said Jim, shocked. “Were you trying to make a pun? That was definitely not funny.”

“Oh my God, no.” Leonard was horrified. “Let’s just stop talking about this. Right now.”

“Agreed,” chimed in Nyota, looking faintly nauseated.

“Uh, anyways, change of subject,” said Bones. “I’m gonna head to the ochem lab and see if I can get someone to help me synthesize a color remover. Um, in the meantime, just don’t do anything to your hair, and you should be fine.”

“Oh, sure, don’t do anything to it. Just go to class with puke gold hair,” Jim whined, but Gaila stomped on his foot.

“Could be worse,” she hissed. “At least that’s close to your natural hair color. Mine’s fucking electric blue.”

“So?” retaliated Jim, yanking his foot away and glaring at her. “I’d be fine with electric blue. It would complement my eyes.”

“You’re so vain,” said Nyota under her breath. Jim just grinned at her.

“What can I say? The ladies love the baby blues!”

“Jesus,” muttered Leonard, and stomped off.

 

For round two, they decided to take a more hands-off approach.

“Okay, let’s look up his class schedule,” said Gaila, rubbing her hands together in anticipation. “We’ve covered public humiliation. I think we need to tackle his academic life next.”

“You are evil.” Leonard murmured idly. “Remind me to never piss you off.”

“You say that every time, Leonard,” said Gaila affectionately, ruffling his hair without looking up from her PADD “I’ve never been pissed at you yet. I’ll let you know if that ever changes.”

“So, he’s taking Astronavigation, a hand-to-hand combat class, and he’s doing research in warp core technology. Looks like he’s working on his thesis.” Jim whistled, leaning over Gaila’s shoulder to look at her PADD. “Guess he’s smarter than we gave him credit for.”

“So how do we ruin him?” asked Nyota. She was sitting at her desk, a few feet away from where they were all crowded around Gaila’s bed. She’d crossed one leg over the other and was painting her nails in an act of calculated nonchalance.

“His thesis seems like a good place to start,” said Leonard slowly. “I’ve written theses, and let me tell you, it consumes you. If something were to happen to his thesis…”

“Okay, I draw the line,” said Gaila. “I want to kill him, but actually getting rid of his thesis seems unnecessarily cruel. But we could, ah, adjust some dates on his timeline.”

“Leonard’s right, you are evil,” said Nyota, looking up from her nails and grinning. “I like it.”

Fortunately for them, Gaila was in Cupcake’s astronavigation class, and the day after they sent the emails informing him of the change in date for the defense of his thesis, she reported that he came to class rumpled and looking like he hadn’t slept at all.

“It was perfect,” she recounted gleefully to Jim. “He kept nodding off during the lecture and he even drooled on his notes. I took pictures.” She pulled out her PADD and flipped through them, giggling.

“I wonder how long it’ll take him to figure out that the email was phony,” commented Nyota. “I mean, surely he’ll go into his adviser’s office sometime soon, or at least send an email.”

Jim shrugged. “At least we got a good laugh out of him,” he said. “And those pictures… those will last a lifetime.”

“What should we do with them?” asked Leonard innocently, trying to hide a smile.

“Keep them, for now,” decided Nyota. “Use them? Maybe. When the time is right.”

“So how’s Professor Spock?” Gaila teased. Nyota rolled her eyes from the other bed, where she was tapping away at her PADD, supposedly working on homework. “Oh, come on now, I’ve watched you in class with him. You’re besotted. Didn’t you go to his office hours yesterday?”

“Besotted? What is this, the eighteenth century?”

“Don’t change the subject. You have a huge crush on him, don’t you?”

Nyota hesitated, eyes darting from left to right as she tried to decide quickly whether she had any chance to convince Gaila otherwise. Clearly giving up, she sighed. “If I admit it, will you _ever_ tell James Kirk?”

“God, no. What kind of best friend do you think I am?” Gaila pretended to be wildly offended by Nyota’s question; she put a hand on her heart, and then grinned at her. “Your secret’s safe with me. By the way, did you hear that he’s teaching a xenolinguistics class next quarter? Vulcan. I hear it’s his first language.”

“Did I hear?” Nyota scoffed. “Did you mean I signed up for it three weeks ago?”

“Atta girl,” Gaila winked at her impertinently.

“Speaking of xenolinguistics though,” Nyota changed the subject, “I’ve been thinking about picking up another language.”

“Another one?” Gaila raised her eyebrows. “Wait, how many do you already speak?”

“A couple,” said Nyota. “Uh, English, obviously. I’m pretty fluent in Klingon and definitely advanced enough in Vulcan for Professor Spock’s class next quarter. But I was thinking…. you speak Orion, right?”

Gaila’s eyes lit up. “Ooh, I see where you’re going with this,” she exclaimed. “Yes. Yes, I do.”

“Would you teach me? I’ve been thinking about graduate work -”

“What, already?” Gaila asked incredulously, but Nyota shushed her.

“I said, I’ve been thinking about graduate work, and since I know a few languages from different regions of space, I was thinking it would be interesting to research origins of language and how they evolved on different planets. Like a comparison study.”

“Wow. That’s the kind of research that could get you placed on a big starship. Travelling the galaxy.”

“I know,” said Nyota, glancing at her. “Isn’t that what you want, too? To go to space?”

“Isn’t that what we all want?”

Nyota laughed. “Not Leonard, I think. There are plenty of Starfleet postings on the ground, too, so I guess space isn’t for everyone. But that’s what I want.  I mean, Earth is just one planet, you know?”

“Space is the place,” agreed Gaila, giggling. “Oh, you should see Orion. Well - maybe you shouldn’t. There’s slavery and shit like that. But it’s beautiful.”

“I’d like to see it anyways,” said Nyota. “I’d like to see everything I can.”

“Me too,” agreed Gaila.

Jim and Bones went out to drink on a Friday night. This wasn’t an unusual occurrence by any means; Nyota and Gaila had other plans for the evening that they refused to divulge to Jim and Leonard, so the two of them went out alone. Their favorite bar was filled with cadets, just like usual, and they took their seats at the counter.

“Hey,” Jim greeted the bartender, who saw them often enough to recognize them. Leonard nodded his own greeting.

“How’s it going?” the bartender asked. “What’ll it be tonight?”

“Just the usual, thanks.”

It wasn’t quiet by any means, but it was fairly calm. The atmosphere seemed easy enough. There wasn’t any serious tension until the door swung open during their second round and Cupcake walked in with a group of his buddies.

“Great,” muttered Leonard under his breath, observing them warily. It looked as though they’d already been barhopping; Cupcake had that little swagger to his walk and that extra volume to his tone that said he’d already been drinking. He and his friends made a beeline for the bar, and took seats not that far from where Jim and Leonard were sitting.

“Jim,” said Leonard in a strained voice, “I think we maybe ought to consider, uh. Relocating.”

“I’m not letting those assholes ruin my night. I was here first,” said Jim, scowling stubbornly. “We’ll just sit here and….not start any trouble.”

“The day you don’t start trouble will be the day the sky falls,” muttered Leonard under his breath. Seriously, the guy was an absolute magnet for bar fights and brawls. Leonard had never stitched anyone else up so many times in his life.

Sure enough, trouble found Jim. It was only a matter of time.

“Look who it is!” shouted Cupcake over the noise of the bar, leering at the two of them. “Jimmy Kirk and his little bitch.”

Jim stiffened immediately and Leonard laid a hand on his arm. “It’s not worth it,  Jim,” he murmured. “Let it go.”

Listening was not one of Jim Kirk’s strong suits. Leonard was starting to wonder how that was going to translate to his career in Starfleet. If Jim couldn’t handle a few poor insults, how was he going to help operate a ship?

“I wouldn’t say things like that about Bones if I were you,” Jim retorted jauntily, forcing a smile. Leonard resisted the urge to either roll his eyes or puke, and started mentally inventorying the first aid kid he kept in his dorm room. He’d forgotten to stock up on sutures since the last time, dammit.

“Oh? And why not?” Cupcake  jeered. “That’s what he is, isn’t it?”

“Ookay,” Leonard gripped Jim’s arm tighter. Clamped his fingers down and stood as Jim lurched up. “Let’s get out of here, Jim. He’s just trying to get your goat.”

Unfortunately, Jim was well past listening to anything Leonard had to say. He yanked his arm out of Leonard’s grip and stood up, a tiny bit shaky from the several shots he’d had since their arrival.

“I don’t think I can allow you to talk about my friend like that,” he declared, his tone deceptively friendly. Leonard knew better. His fists were bunched up so tight his knuckles had gone white.

Leonard wasn’t sure who took the first swing, but he did know who took the last one. With Cupcake’s group of cronies, it was a matter of seconds before they all jumped on Jim and literally drug him to the ground with their combined weight. Leonard hung back, not sure what to do but yell for the bartender to help him break it up.

“That’s enough!” the bartender roared. “Out, all of you!” he pointed towards the door. “I won’t have brawls in here, you  hear me? Even you two,” he said to Leonard. “I just can’t have it.”

“I understand,” said Leonard, grimacing. Jim was groaning on the floor, Cupcake’s cronies gone as soon as the fight was over. Leonard glanced around. “Any chance your camera got video of that? he asked, gesturing at the wall mount camera in the corner.

The bartender nodded grimly. “And audio too,” he said. “I’ll be forwarding that to Admiral Pike.”

“Appreciate it,” said Leonard, grabbing Jim’s arm to haul him to his feet. “Come on,” he encouraged. “Up you go.”

“Fuck,” Jim groaned. “Fuck, that hurts. Leave me alone.” He was already sporting an impressive black eye and a bloody nose that reminded Leonard of their first meeting.

“That’s what you get for getting in fights over my honor,” retorted Leonard, steering him none too gently towards the door with a hand under his arm. Jim could walk, at least, albeit a little unsteadily. “Maybe next time you’ll walk away like I told you to.”

“Yeah, yeah,” mumbled Jim. “Whatever.”

They passed the rest of the walk back to Leonard’s dorm room in silence. Leonard wasn’t sure what to say, and Jim seemed focused on putting one foot in front of the other rather than making conversation.  It worked.

Unluckily for them, Mike was in.

“Oh, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” he exclaimed when Leonard dragged Jim into their dorm room and sat him down forcibly on the bed. “Not again.”

“Sorry,” snapped Leonard.

“Why don’t you take him to the damn clinic? That’s what it’s for,” grumbled Mike.

“Why don’t you shut your damn mouth,” retorted Leonard, looking over his shoulder to glare at him.

Mike threw up his hands and, getting up from his desk chair, grabbed his coat. “I’m leaving. Possibly permanently! First my couch, and then this. I can only put up with so much shit, you know. Find a new roommate for next term.” He slammed the door behind him. Leonard cringed; if there had been anyone sleeping on their floor, there wasn’t anymore.

“Huh,” Jim said. “Guess you got rid of him.”

“Guess so,” said Leonard absently as he rifled through his first aid kid, looking for what he needed. He had a basic tricorder, so he ran it over Jim’s face and chest to assess the damage.

“Good news, kid,” he announced. “You don’t have any broken ribs.”

“And the bad news is?”

“Your nose is broken. Again. And you have a concussion. Mild one.”

“Great,” said Jim, rolling his eyes. “So you’re gonna make me sleep over again. Your floor isn’t very comfy, Bones.”

“Well,” said Leonard, shrugging, “Now that Mike is gone, I guess you could sleep in his bed. But not until I’ve cleaned up those lacerations on your face.”

Jim made a face. “Bo-ones,” he whined. “But that stings. Is it really necessary?”

“Only if you don’t want for it to get infected and your face to rot off.”

“I like my face.” Jim was visibly drooping now, leaning his forehead against Leonard’s shoulder. “Don’t let it rot off, okay, Bones?”

“Okay, Jimmy.” Leonard tilted his chin up to dab at the scrapes. Jim let out a tiny little disgruntled whine at the sting, but didn’t flinch away, so Leonard did it as quickly and gently as possible. They were mostly just superficial, so he passed on any kind of covering for them, but did spread some antibiotic ointment on them. It would smear all over his pillows, but he’d deal with that in the morning.

“All right, I’m done,” he said softly, watching Jim carefully. He was half-asleep, probably from the combination of the alcohol and the low-level painkiller that Leonard had given him. He hadn’t dared to give him anything more, not with alcohol in his system, but it seemed to be working. Leonard sighed.

“All right, kid, you can have the bed tonight.” He didn’t have the heart to make Jim sleep on the floor, not with bruised ribs, and he was definitely not drunk enough to share his tiny single. Hauling him to his own room was not an option with a concussion in play. He couldn’t trust Jim’s idiot roommate to take care of him.

“Thanks, Bones,” Jim slurred, already curling up right where he was on top of the covers. Rolling his eyes, Leonard coaxed him up for long enough to get him under them, then tucked him in properly, pushing a bit of hair off of his forehead. He snagged an extra pillow and fished out the extra blanket from his closet, and paused to regard Jim for a moment before telling the computer to turn the lights off.

“Night, Jim,” he said, using a fond tone that he usually reserved for when Jim was drunk or otherwise incapacitated.

“Night, Bones.”

Jim wasn’t nearly as hung over the next morning as he could be. Leonard knew this because he moaned and whined like his head was about to split open; if he were really in any serious pain, he’d shut the hell up.

“Well, good morning, yourself,” grumbled Leonard. He had every right to be grumpy; sleeping on the floor was hell on his back

“Bones,” Jim groaned, reaching out blindly for him with an arm flung over his eyes. “My head _hurts_. Jesus.”

“Yeah, I know,” said Leonard gruffly, stretching like an oversized cat and reluctantly dragging himself up to check on his charge. “That’s what happens when you get beat up, kid.”

“Remind me why I thought that was a good idea,” said Jim, sighing deeply.

“My honor was at stake, or something.” Leonard shrugged. “I tried to tell you it wasn’t a good idea, but….”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m a moron, I get it.” Jim sat up, holding a hand over his eyes and hunching over. “Jesus. What does a guy gotta do to get some breakfast around here.”

“Get up and walk to the mess hall,” advised Leonard seriously. Jim threw his ointment-encrusted pillow at him.

With eggs and toast in him, Jim perked up quite a bit.

“So,” he said, sipping coffee with his elbow propped up on the mess hall table, “what’re we gonna do? To Cupcake?”

Leonard raised his eyebrows incredulously. “You just got your face smashed in - your nose looks fabulous, by the way - and you want to pick another fight with the guy? Are you fucking crazy?”

“Maybe?” Jim shrugged. “But I can’t just let him say shit like that and then beat me up and get away with it. He just doesn’t get to do that.”

“Unless he does,” retorts Leonard. “This little war stops here, Jim. I’m so serious. Hair dye is one thing, but once bones start getting broken I think we should throw in the towel.”

“It was just my nose,” Jim sulked, but Leonard wouldn’t budge.

“No. You put a stop to this, Jim. It’s not funny anymore. In case you haven’t noticed, I don’t like it when you bleed.”

“But Bones -”

“Jim, I swear on everything holy that if I have to patch up your sorry drunk ass one more time, I’m never giving you a hangover hypo ever again. And if it’s Cupcake-related, you’ll have to drag your sorry drunk ass to the clinic and explain to them why you’re still picking fights like an amateur. Got it?”

Jim sighed sadly. “Okay, Bones,” he agreed sullenly. “But only because you asked so nicely.”

Leonard snorted. “Okay, now that we’ve settled that, shut up and eat your damn food,” he snapped. “And drink a cup of something that isn’t coffee. You’re probably dehydrated.”

“Yes, _Mom_ ,”

“I’m your doctor, Jim, not your mother. And for some unfortunate reason,  I have a vested interest in your well-being. So shut the hell up.”

  


Exams were the worst torture systems ever devised. Jim wasn’t sure why they were still in existence when there were more awesome ways to grade. Like practicals and simulations. That was a realistic way to grade someone.

Tests were just stupid. And hard.

“We should study tonight.” Nyota said over lunch. “We could all quiz each other. Gaila made test flash cards.”

Jim didn’t want to study. He was so far off from wanting to study he was in a completely different galaxy.

Until Leonard elbowed him. “Hey, kid. You listening? She says she thinks you should study. Hit the books.”

“I don’t want to.”

Nyota shot him a look, more of a glare really, that practically screamed ‘everybody has to do things they don’t want to’, and went back to her salad.

“Well, isn’t that something.” Leonard chuckled. “The whole damn semester should just take a step back because Jim doesn’t want to.”

“Shut up, Bones.” JIm grumbled into his sandwich. Just because the guy went to medical school didn’t give him any weight to talk. Jim had watched him copy his notes twice over last night so they were legible and more organized.

“We don’t have to study all night.” Nyota insisted. “Just an hour or two. Exams aren’t for two weeks.”

“Which is exactly why we don’t need to study tonight,” argued Jim. “Two weeks is a long time from now.”

As it turned out, exams came sooner than Jim expected they would.

“Holy shit,” he said to Leonard out of the blue on the preceding Thursday night.”Holy shit. Exams start next week. Holy shit.”

Leonard raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, that shouldn’t be a surprise,” he commented. “They’ve been scheduled for next week since forever.”

“I am so screwed,” said Jim wildly. “ _Screwed_."

“Oh my god, are you kidding right now?” Leonard said. “You’ll be fine, you always ace those stupid exams.”

“You’re right,” Jim suddenly stopped freaking out. “You’re right. It’s gonna be fine! Astronavigation is easy shit, anyways.

“For some of us,” commented Leonard snidely. “You haven’t studied for a damn thing all quarter. I’m not sure why you’d be starting now.”

“I haven’t taken an exam in like, five fucking _years_ , Bones,” Jim admitted. “Not a real exam. Simulations and practicals are different than that written shit.”

“And I’ve taken more exams than I care to recount. You do remember that I’m a doctor, right? I spent eight unholy years of my life taking exams to prepare for that.”

“Ooh, Bones went to med school,” Jim muttered under his breath. “Like that makes you some kind of expert.”

“Actually, it does, considering that I have two doctorates.”

“Shut up.”

Jim spent the rest of the evening moaning about the unholy amount of reading that his professors had assigned.

“This is just the _study guide_ ,” he complained loudly, waving it around. “Like, who has time for this? Are our teachers aware that we’re in other classes, too, or do they just not care?”

“They don’t care,” answered Leonard, not looking up from his own textbook. “It would go faster if you’d stop complaining about it, you know.”

“Doesn’t mean I’m gonna stop complaining about it,” retorted Jim, grinning. “Where’s the fun in that?”

Rolling his eyes and sighing dramatically, Leonard got up and left Jim’s dorm room, ignoring Jim’s shouted “Hey! Wait! I’ll stop, promise! Come back!” He’d find someone less noisy to hang out with.

Making an impulsive decision, he stopped back by his room and retrieved the box of cookies he’d been saving, before heading to Nyota and Gaila’s room.

Exams came and went.

Shockingly everyone survived, and passed. Even Jim.

“Thank God that’s over.” Jim said, sprawled from his place on Leonard’s new/old/recycled recliner he had picked up on the curb. It was a deep gray, and not too worn in any of the places that mattered. So naturally, it was love at first sight.

And, honestly, Leonard couldn’t agree with Jim more. If he had to suffer through one more minute  worrying about tests or essays or anything, Jim or otherwise, well.

He wouldn’t be responsible for his actions, that was for damn sure.

The last week before exams, Jim had spent almost every waking moment In Leonard’s room, in Leonard’s space, or generally bothering Leonard.

And now that everything was over, Leonard was hoping that he had earned himself a short reprieve, (if nothing else), from Jim’s ungodly caffeine intake, and his ridiculous love affair with orange junk food.

The break between semesters wasn’t terrible, Leonard would admit.

Okay, so maybe he had some trouble deciding what to do about another roommate after Mike left. And he sort of slept most of his time away, when he wasn’t spending his waking hours deciding what he still needed for his new classes.

It was all fairly quiet, and boring, until Jim found out he was sulking by himself, and came up with The One Fun Thing You Have To Do Over Break. That coupled with No, Really, This Is The Best Place Ever sort of piqued Leonard’s curiosity.

In other words, they went out for dinner.

“Did Jim really take you out to dinner?” Gaila asked. “Like, to a nice place?”

“Yeah, weird, right?” The food wasn’t even terrible. No beer in sight. “I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

“Maybe it was an apology. You know, for being such a baby over finals.”

“All I know is, the steak there is the best I’ve ever had.” Leonard considered. “Okay, maybe second best, but that’s only behind this little place back home called Aunt Betty’s. Now _tha_ t is some steak.”

“He bought you _steak_?” Gaila whistled appreciatively. “That’s some serious shit. Wait, did he buy?”

“Yeah. Yeah, he did.” Leonard frowned. Come to think of it, it was  strange.

Gaila erupted into giggles. “Ooh,” she said, “Now that’s interesting.” She waggled her eyebrows suggestively. Leonard rolled his eyes.

“Pretty sure he was just sucking up, Gaila. Since Mike moved out, I don’t have a roommate, so he thinks I’m gonna let him move in with me for some reason, when I could have a single.”

“Things are moving a little quickly, aren’t they?” Gaila remarked innocently. When Leonard glared at her, she giggled again.

“I’ll bet you ten bucks he asks by the end of the week.”

“Twenty says he asks you in half that time.” Gaila countered easily.  Leonard squinted at her, considering it.

“Deal,” he said decisively.

Jim asked to move in with Leonard three days later, to Leonard’s chagrin and Gaila’s delight.

“I’ll take cash, or credit. No checks, please.”

Leonard rolled his eyes. “What are you, some kind of bookie? Jeez. Fine, I’ll get cash.” He tucked his checkbook back into his desk drawer. Gaila was perched gracefully on his bed, and had pounced on him to collect as soon as Jim had left to go pack his things.

“You have a lot to learn about gambling, Leonard,” she remarked serenely, smiling as she accepted the cash.

“Oh yeah? I play a mean game of poker. I’d like to see you beat me.”

“Someone who’s as terrible a liar as you are?” Gaila scoffed. “I’d like to see you try.”

“Are we talking about poker?” Jim poked his head back in the room, arms full of what was apparently dirty laundry. Leonard groaned and pointed to the laundry chute set up in the corner.

“Bones, it’s clean,” Jim protested, but Leonard shook his head and pointed again, insistently, at the laundry chute.

“All of it. I don’t want to know. Just wash it.”

“A little dirt never hurt anybody,” Jim grumbled as he crossed the room that was now jointly his and deposited his laundry as instructed.

“Unless it got into a wound and the wound got infected, and then the person died,” retorted Leonard. “Besides, I <i>know</i> that laundry’s been all over your floor and I don’t want to know what else is on your floor.”

“Always such a killjoy, isn’t he,” Jim remarked to Gaila, who giggled.

“You’re the one who wanted to room with him,” she reminded him, not even pretending to be sympathetic.

“I guess I’ll leave you two to it. It seems like you have some, uh, rules to work out.” She wiggled her fingers at them delicately and bounced out of the room, grinning. Leonard sighed; he just knew the first thing she was going to do was tell Nyota all about their bet, and then they’d both be giggling about it.

Leonard set up house rules in record time. Apparently, some basic housekeeping things weren’t as obvious as he had previously thought.

“Dishes belong in the kitchen, Jim!”

“So does food! There’s crumbs all over my chair! What did you even eat?”

“If you’re going to come home at an ungodly hour, at least be quiet about, for god’s sake.”

Two days, and Leonard printed up a ten point list. Large print, and stuck it on the inside of their door, where it couldn’t possibly be missed.

“Ten rules Jim,” he said as he attached adhesive strips to the back of it. He’d used nice, heavy construction paper, in the vague hope that it would last for the rest of the year. “Seriously, just ten. Please at least pretend to follow them.”

HOUSE RULES

  1. Clean up after yourself. (this means you, Jim).

  2. If you’re gonna bring people back to the room, do it when I’m not here. And for the love of everything, keep it in your bed ONLY. Not mine, not the couch, not **ANYWHERE ELSE.**

  3. If you bring good alcohol back to the room, you have to share.

  4. If you didn’t buy it, **don’t eat it!!!**

  5. If it’s illegal, I don’t want to hear about it

  6. Your stuff belongs in your space, not mine. Don’t use my bed as your play area, you aren’t two.

  7. Between the hours of 11pm and 7am, I am not your doctor and am therefore not obligated to babysit you if you’re drunk/hung over/etc.

  8. However, you are required to notify me of all injuries and **I** am the one who decides whether or not you go to Medical. No arguments will be tolerated.

  9. If you wake me up when I’m sleeping, there will be consequences.

  10. Don’t be an idiot.




 

“How do you plan on enforcing that last rule, Bones?” Jim asked, popping some sort of junk food Leonard didn’t want to think about into his mouth, with his feet kicked up on the desk. “Idiot is kind of up for interpretation, don’t you think?”

“No,” said Leonard shortly. “You’re being one right now. Shut up.”

Going back to school was never something Leonard particularly looked forward to, and this time was no exception. He’d spent years in school already, thank you very much; the novelty had rather worn off.

So had the idiots in the hallway.

“Can’t anybody walk a straight line anymore? Jesus.” Leonard growled as the second person in under an hour bumped into him. Gaila giggled.

“So grumpy, Leonard,” she said lightly. “You’d think they’d be more careful of bumping into you just because you’re so scary.” She winked at him and he rolled his eyes. They were walking to class together; Jim and Nyota had already split off from the group for their own classes, which were in a different building.

“So,” she continued, changing the subject. “I happen to know that Jim’s birthday is this weekend, and I was thinking -”

“He never mentioned that,” Leonard interrupted her, frowning.

“Why would he?” Gaila asked. “I’m not sure it’s his favorite subject.”

“Right.” Leonard didn’t spend very much time thinking about his friend’s background - after all, the Kelvin incident had happened when he was quite young, so he barely remembered it - but it made sense that Jim wouldn’t be excited for his birthday and all the associated memorial nonsense.

“Yeah,” Gaila sighed. “Anyways, I was thinking we should keep him company or something. So he doesn’t have the chance to get too down about it, you know?”

“That’s a good idea,” agreed Leonard. “I have no idea what he usually does for his birthday, but he doesn’t have any family out here that I know of….it can’t hurt to at least offer.”

“I was thinking about that nice bar downtown, you know the one with the nice liquor,” said Gaila. “You know, that one we’d never go to because it’s so expensive. I mean, it is expensive. But it’s his birthday, so…”

Leonard frowned. “Are you sure it’s a good idea to get him drunk?” he asked. “Jim’s stupid when he’s drunk.”

“We’re all stupid when we’re drunk,” agreed Gaila easily. “But we also don’t think about things that happened twenty-some years ago when we’re drunk.”

“You’re using the party, and the booze, as a distraction? You do realize this is a man that picks fights for fun, right? Throwing him in with more expensive alcohol is like putting a bull on steroids. You’re just hopping him up more.”

They arrived at their classroom and Gaila crossed her arms and sighed, a little irritably. “Look, maybe we should ask him, since it’s his birthday. But we’ll talk about it later, okay?”

“Okay,” agreed Leonard reluctantly.

He still didn’t like the idea. The whole plan didn’t sit well. Taking Jim to an unfamiliar place, plying him with alcohol until he forgot why he was upset in the first place. Force a party on him that he might not even want.

Leonard shook himself as he sat in the hard chair. Maybe it wouldn’t even come to that. Maybe Jim would head Gaila off at the pass, and tell her that he never celebrated his birthday, and to just forget it.

Of course, it didn’t work out that way.

“Sure, that sounds great!”

To all appearances, Jim was enthusiastic about the idea of going out with Gaila and Nyota and Leonard on his birthday. He had the same sunny disposition about the whole thing as he always did….except that something about it seemed a little forced. Maybe Leonard was paranoid, but there was a shred of tension there that he didn’t usually notice, and the whole thing gave him a bad feeling.

“Okay!” Gaila beamed at him. “Let’s meet outside the dorms at seven. I hear they have great food, so maybe we should go early enough for dinner?”

“Yeah, yeah,” agreed Jim easily. “Sounds good! I’ll see you guys at seven.”

Gaila flounced out of their dorm cheerfully, and the door slid shut behind her.

“Are you coming, Bones?” Jim asked him suddenly.

It felt like some sort of trap. Agree, and watch Jim do what he always did. Or decline, and watch something new unfold. As if Leonard wasn’t torn and uncomfortable about the party before. Now the feeling was multiplied tenfold.

It didn’t help that Jim was looking at him with that half sad, half curious expression.

“I don’t think so,” Leonard said carefully, pushing back a feeling of guilt even as he said it.  
Sure enough, Jim’s face fell. Leonard mentally kicked himself.

“Why not?” he asked, his tone just shy of petulant. It reminded Leonard of a disappointed child, and he swallowed hard.

“Look,” he said, hoping he could explain himself properly. “I like to go out drinking as much as you do, but… you pick fights when you’re drunk. And we both know why she’s throwing you this party.”

Jim shut down immediately. Instead of the petulant look, Leonard was rewarded with blankness. An empty sort of expression that left him feeling lost. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“I know you don’t, and I’m not asking you to,” Leonard said gently. “But you and I both know this is a bad idea, don’t we.”

“I’m an adult, Bones,” Jim said coldly. “I’ll go out drinking if I want to.”

“Believe me, I know you are. And i know you will. I just don’t think you should.”

And just as quickly as the blankness had come, it was gone. The sulky look back in place.“Come on, Bones. You know I hate my birthday. Indulge me,” he plied Leonard, pulling out his charm.

“No,” said Leonard firmly, suddenly convinced that he’d made the right decision. “I hate patching you up when you’re drunk and have had the shit beaten out of you, you know that? I hate it. I hate that you do that to yourself.”

“Fine.” Jim shrugged flippantly. “I’ll go without you, then.” He turned away from Leonard and grabbed his jacket. Leonard grabbed his arm.

“Jim, don’t,” he murmured, trying hard to keep the pleading note out of his voice. “I’ll cook dinner for you. I’ll do your fucking laundry, whatever you want. It’s your birthday. But not this. Don’t do this.”

“Why are you so fucking upset about this, Bones?” Jim asked, suddenly angry. “It’s just another night out drinking. It’s my birthday, and I’m celebrating. Big deal. You don’t like it, then screw off.”

“It’s a big deal to me.”

“It shouldn’t be,” said Jim harshly. “You shouldn’t care.” He yanked his arm out of Leonard’s grip and slammed the door behind him, leaving Leonard quivering and upset.

“I do care, you fucking moron,” he said to the closed door. He said it again to the bottle of bourbon he’d set aside on his desk to give to Jim, before he started drinking it.

Jim looked around the swanky downtown bar appreciatively, eyeing their top shelf liquor selection. Gaila had picked well; it was much classier than their usual joint, and had a much better selection. He intended to sample some of it.

Dinner passed without incident; the food was good, but not as good as that place he’d taken Leonard to with the steak. The thought came with a pang of guilt that Jim washed down with a cocktail. He’d think about that tomorrow.

The bar stools were comfier at this place, too, Jim discovered.More padding, less rough edges. He settled himself comfortably on one, with Gaila on one side and Nyota on the other, and made his first choice.

Everything went splendidly until someone started hitting on Gaila. He was a well-groomed guy, dressed way nicer than Jim was, and he was clearly the kind of guy who frequented places like these.

“We’re here to celebrate my friend’s birthday,” Gaila said politely, indicating Jim with a tilt of her head. Jim smelled trouble when the man didn’t so much as glance at him; instead, he continued.

Well-groomed decided that he was going to sling an arm around Gaila’s shoulders. “That’s a shame; he doesn’t seem like your type.”

Now if Gaila had been interested, Jim wouldn’t have minded. It was her night out as well, and Jim didn’t want to put a damper on it. If she wanted to hang out with the sleaze ball, that was her business.

But then Gaila made a face, a disgusted, nose wrinkling face, and leaned more towards Jim.

Jim took that as his cue.

“She said to get lost,” he butted in belligerently. Well-groomed finally decided to look at Jim, only to scoff derisively.

“No one asked you, blondie.”

“No one needed to,” Jim retorted. “Clearly she’s not interested.”

“Sure she is,” countered well-dressed. “She’s Orion, they’re always interested.”

“Excuse you,” Gaila started to respond hotly, but she was too late. Jim was already out of his seat and swinging a fist for the guy’s face.

“I will not have you talking to my friend like that,” he snarled, as the guy drew himself up off of the bar where he had managed to spill their drinks. He was holding a hand to his nose, probably broken, and Jim’s knuckles were throbbing. The good kind, the kind that meant he was ready for more. Well-Dressed could come at him, and he could still take it.

“Jim!” Gaila shouted. “Jim, stop.” Jim didn’t listen.  

He let Well-Dressed get in a punch of his own, before swinging again. It was too bad for him that well-dressed had friends who wrestled him out of the bar and beat him out back until they heard sirens in the distance and scattered.

“Shit,” whispered Nyota, hauling Jim up by one of his arms. Gaila grabbed the other; he sagged in between them for a moment until he found his footing. He spit out a mouthful of blood, not looking at either of them.

“Let’s get out of here,” said Gaila, and they moved as quickly as they could get Jim to walk, headed back for the dorms.

Jim shook them off as they approached his dorm room.

“I’ll be fine,” he muttered. “I’m not that drunk. But thanks.”

“You’re an idiot,” Gaila reprimanded him sharply, reminding him of rule ten. “I don’t need anyone defending my honor.”

“Couldn’t let him say that shit.” Jim shrugged stiffly.

“You’ll wake up Leonard, and go to Medical if he says to, won’t you?”Nyota asked, pursing her lips and obviously worried.

“Yeah, I will,” said Jim offhandedly.

“Promise?” asked Gaila sternly.

“Promise.”

Gaila leaned forward and pecked him on the least bruised looking part of his cheek. “Happy birthday, Jim,” she said quietly. “Sorry it ended like this.”

Jim waved her off. “Don’t worry about it. Good night.”

Nyota squeezed his hand before the two of them retreated down the hall towards their own room, whispering urgently and casting worried glances over their shoulders. Jim paid them no attention as he keyed in the code to his own door, hoping that Leonard was asleep.

To his disappointment, Leonard was sitting on the couch with a bottle of bourbon, and there was a suspicious looking cheery red ribbon discarded on the floor nearby. Jim suspected the bottle had been full when he started; it was now quite a bit emptier. Jim had seen Leonard drunk, but he’d never seen him truly, spectacularly shit-faced, and he had a feeling this might be a first.

“So,” Leonard slurred. “You got in a fight. Surprise, surprise.”

“Don’t worry about it, Bones,” mumbled Jim, turning so Leonard couldn’t see his face. He just wanted to crawl into bed and sleep, maybe forever.

“Don’t worry about it?” Leonard repeated, laughing harshly. “I’m a doctor, Jim. It’s my damn job to worry about it.”

“Well, you’re off the clock, aren’t you,” retorted Jim. “It’s well after 11pm, so I think you’re free from babysitting duties, or whatever that stupid rule was.”

“You really think I could just let you come home beat up and drunk and _ignore it_? How fucking stupid are you?” Leonard rose to his feet, swaying slightly, and brandishing the open bottle of bourbon. “I fucking hate it when you do this, you know that? I’m always the one who has to pick up the pieces, patch you up, make sure your face is still in the right place, and do you _ever_ think about how hard that is”

“Why do you even fucking care, Bones?” Jim shouted. “I’m just that stupid kid who latched onto you the first day here because I didn’t have anybody else. For all I know, you don’t even like me.”

“Are you really that fucking stupid? Of course  I fucking care about you, you moron.” As if to prove his point, Leonard staggered purposefully over to Jim, spun him around, and planted a sloppy kiss right on his mouth.

At first Jim jolted back, purely out of shock. Obviously Leonard was really drunk, and really tired. This wasn’t him, he couldn’t really want this. Not now, anyway. And definitely not with Jim.

But then he had his hand fisted in Jim’s shirt, and when that had happened, Jim couldn’t quite remember.

Leonard had leverage, and he used it to bring Jim’s mouth back to his own, this time a little more carefully.

The first kiss had been sloppy and quick. Lips weren’t quite aligned, noses bumped and got in the way. The second kiss had more punch. Once Jim started kissing back,  Leonard let him have it, angry and fierce. He said all the things he couldn’t find the words for - I was worried, I care, and I’m pissed that you thought I didn’t.

Jim responded in kind; he tangled his fingers in Leonard’s short hair and pulled.  Leonard made a noise low in his throat like he was dying and opened the kiss into something else entirely.

Unfortunately, Leonard was also stinking drunk, and swayed on his feet. Jim brought both hands up to steady him, but they ended up falling to the couch instead, Leonard pulling Jim down with him.

Jim chuckled, more out of surprise than anything else. “It’s still my birthday.”

“Well, I drank your present. Happy birthday.”

“There’s still some left,” Jim pointed out, giggling, but it was too far away, and neither of them were inclined to get up and get it.

Instead, Jim leaned down to kiss Leonard again. He was a little surprised; he _liked_ kissing Leonard, and he hoped vaguely that he’d remember doing so in the morning. Leonard tasted like expensive bourbon, and his breath stank a little, but Jim was too drunk to care.

“So, we’re going to do this.” Jim huffed into Leonard’s neck as he peeled his shirt off. “Like, really.”

Leonard sighed and arched his back from the couch just enough to rub against Jim’s thigh, trapped between his own.  

Jim’s tone changed pretty quickly.

“God, yeah. Okay. I’m-, you just, yeah.”

“Jim.”

“Yeah, Bones. “

Leonard planted his hands on Jim’s hips and positioned them so his other leg wasn’t so trapped against the back of the couch. “Shut up.”

“You like it.”

“No, I don’t. Shut up.”

“Mmm- shit, Bones,” Jim moaned as Leonard so Jim was in between his legs, and started to move. “ _Jesus_.”

“Look, Jim, I know I’m good, but I’m not Jesu-” Leonard was cut short when Jim leaned down and began kissing his neck sloppily, licking at the place where it met his jaw, and moving up to his ear to nip his earlobe. Leonard slotted them together, just so, ratcheting up the friction another few notches. The layers between them added a rough edge to the whole thing.

Jim thought it would be nice if they took their pants off, but he didn’t think they were going to make it that long. Not with Leonard making those choked off noises, hips stuttering just like his voice.

He was gorgeous like this, even drunk and exhausted. Jim loved the way his usually neat hair was completely mussed, sticking up in strange places; it was so unlike Leonard. Jim redirected his kisses to Leonard’s lips. Kissing Leonard and grinding against him at the same time was hard when he was drunk, so the open-mouthed kisses were poorly aimed and sloppy, but Leonard didn’t seem to mind. His hands settled on Jim’s hips, holding him just forcefully enough that it made Jim groan. Jim braced himself with one hand and settled the other on Leonard’s jaw, abandoning his efforts at kissing.

Drunk and exhausted, it wasn’t long before Jim’s movements became haphazard and desperate, and with Leonard egging him on in a husky voice, he came in his pants. It was all he could do to not collapse onto Leonard; he was trembling and overwhelmed, and it wasn’t until warm hands started tugging at him that he finally dropped down to lie awkwardly half draped over Leonard.

“We’re a mess,” he slurred, but his eyes were drooping and the world was a little too spinny for him to be very inspired about getting up. Leonard just grunted, already half-asleep, and Jim decided that sleep was more important than changing his pants.

Leonard had a splitting headache when he woke the next morning. He put off opening his eyes for as long as possible, knowing that he’d regret it; the morning sunlight streaming through the blinds he’d drunkenly neglected to close made him wince. When he made to cover his eyes, he realized that there was a too-warm, very heavy weight on top of his right arm, and he froze.

Bits and pieces of the night before came to him; the partially empty bottle of bourbon sitting on his desk that used to sport a jaunty red ribbon, the yelling, the kissing, Jim trembling under his hands. It was a blur, but the crusty sensation in his boxers let him know that he was very much not imagining things. He very carefully eased himself out from underneath Jim and tiptoed into the bathroom, never before so glad that their room had its own.

The shower didn’t help clear his thoughts. Primarily, he had a lot of questions; what the hell had he been _thinking_ , first and foremost, but he also had no idea how much, if anything, Jim would remember. Although with the state of his pants, he would know that _something_ had happened. Grimacing, Leonard considered ways to hide the evidence, but he didn’t think he could remove the pants without Jim waking up.

So he’d just have to face the music, so to speak. That didn’t mean he couldn’t go get breakfast in the meantime. Some coffee and real food would do wonders for his hangover. He’d bring some back for Jim...maybe. Leonard quickly towelled dry, brushed his teeth, and got dressed in a mildly frantic effort to leave the room before Jim woke up. When the door closed behind him, he breathed a sigh of relief, and set off towards the mess hall.

When Jim woke up, it was to a bed that had clearly been vacated recently; the sheets were pushed back carelessly, and there was still an indent on the pillow. Looking across the room, he noted that Bones’ bed, by contrast, was neatly made. But there was nothing unusual about that - except, Jim remembered, that Leonard  hadn’t slept in his own bed last night.

Shit.

So clearly, Jim reasoned, Leonard had woken up before he had, and beat it. Awkward, when they shared a room; but, since he had no way of knowing where Leonard had gone, there was nothing for Jim to do but shower and get on with his day. And a shower would definitely be necessary, he thought, pulling at his pants and squirming disgustedly.

When he emerged from the shower, damp and clutching a towel around his waist, he found Leonard in the room, looking either like a guilty criminal or a frightened rabbit when he saw Jim. He slowly turned to face him.

“Hey,” he greeted Jim a strained tone. “What’s up?”

Jim raised an eyebrow at him. “Uh, nothing.” He decided to play along; he wasn’t sure what else to do under this crippling awkwardness. Leonard had clearly decided not to mention last night, and suddenly Jim didn’t want to either, if Leonard was so intent on pretending it didn’t happen. He’d been right, last night, he thought glumly, thinking that Leonard didn’t want it.

“Hmm,” Leonard hummed. “Well, I was just gonna go to the lab and check on my cultures. It isn’t a Saturday without homework, right?” he laughed nervously. “I’ve got a clinic shift later, too.”

“Yeah, Bones, I’ve got work to do too,” agreed Jim absently. “Guess I’ll catch ya later.”

With the end of the conversation, Leonard was out the door almost instantly. “Bye!” he called behind him. After the door closed, Jim noticed that Leonard had left his lab coat draped over the chair and raised his eyebrows. Leonard didn’t come back for it.

Jim promptly got dressed and made straight for Nyota and Gaila’s room. If there was anybody who understood this shit, it would be them; Jim didn’t typically do the relationship thing, but when the person in question was his best friend, he didn’t have much of an option.

He knocked on the door loudly and insistently; when Gaila opened the door, she was sporting an annoyed look that turned to confusion when she saw Jim.

“Jim? Are you okay?” she asked, frowning. “Your face is really colorful.”

Jim grimaced. “Um, yeah, I’m okay,” he said, ruffling his hair sheepishly.

“Then, you do realize that it’s nine o’clock in the morning, right? On a Saturday?” Reassured that he wasn’t about to drop dead at her doorstep, Gaila propped a hand up on her hip and gave him an unamused look.

“Right. Sorry. Um, it’s important.”

“Well, it better be. You’re just lucky you didn’t wake up Uhura. She spent the night...elsewhere.”

“Really?” Jim perked up with immediate interest. “I don’t suppose you’d tell me -”

“No,” said Gaila firmly. “I wouldn’t. Now, what is going on?” She led him inside and closed the door behind him. He sat on her bed and rested his elbows on his knees.

“It’s Bones,” said Jim, and he said the rest in a jumble before he could lose his nerve. “I was drunk, he was drunk, he was mad, we slept together, and now he’s ignoring the whole thing.”

“Wait, you and Leonard slept together?” Gaila looked impressed. “I guess Uhura owes me 20 credits.”

“Uhura - wait, what?”

“You heard me,” giggled Gaila, pretending to inspect her nails to hide her smile. “She thought it would take you at least until the end of the year. Clearly she didn’t give you enough credit.”

“For the record, it was Bones that started it,” grumbled Jim, crossing his arms over his chest. “And why are you betting on us anyways?”

“Leonard started it?” asked Gaila incredulously. “I guess she owes me another twenty -”

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” said Jim, standing up to leave. Gaila grabbed his arm.

“Okay, sweetie, sit back down and tell me what’s going on. I promise not to laugh.” She stroked his hand a little, encouraging, and Jim frowned but sat back down. It was hard to be mad at Gaila.

“So, like I was saying,” Jim complained, “Bones and I slept together. And he was gone when I woke up, and it was really weird this morning, and it seems like he’s avoiding me.”

“So you’re sure it was Leonard you slept with?” asked Gaila. “I mean, I know you were drunk, but is it possible that you slept with someone else and are just confused?”

“No,” said Jim after a moment’s consideration. “I remember some of it. It was definitely Bones. And the way he was acting? Definitely.”

“Okay.” Gaila tapped her fingers against her thigh thoughtfully, tilting her head to the side as she considered it. “So the way I’m seeing this, there are two options.”

“Okay?” Jim gestured for her to hurry up.

“Either he liked it, or he didn’t.”

“Well, obviously!” Jim rolled his eyes. “Okay, but how do I figure out which?”

“Asking him would be a good place to start, silly.” Gaila shoved him a little. “But I wasn’t done talking. Either he liked it, and he doesn’t want to talk to you because he liked it and he’s not sure you even remember it and he doesn’t want to ruin your friendship if you don’t remember it and you didn’t like it, or he didn’t like it and he doesn’t want to ruin your friendship if you did like it.”

Jim cleared his throat. “That’s, uh, complicated,” he said, scratching his head uncomfortably. “Are you sure he’s thinking that? Why does this have to be that complicated?”

Gaila shrugged. “If he’s pretending it didn’t happen, it’s probably because he’s scared to bring it up, and those are pretty good reasons to be scared, Jim.”

Jim scoffed. “Why should he be scared? We’re best friends. A little drunken sex doesn’t get in the way of best friends.”

Gaila just smiled.

“Nyota!” Leonard called across the library, earning him a glare from the librarian. “Thank God you’re here.”

Nyota looked unusually rumpled; her hair was messy, she wasn’t wearing makeup, and there were bags under her eyes.

“Where else would I be at nine o’clock on a Saturday morning?” she commented wryly, nursing a cup of coffee. She looked like she needed it.

“Wait, why _are_ you here?” asked Leonard, realizing suddenly that she probably shouldn’t be in the library at nine o’clock on a Saturday morning.

Nyota groaned. “Waiting until  Gaila gets out so I can sneak into my room and shower and change without being teased mercilessly.”

“Wait a second,” said Leonard slowly, putting two and two together. “You -”

“Yes, yes, I got some last night, if that’s what you want to know,” said Nyota irritably. “Gaila’s been nagging me about this guy for months -”

“Well, who is he?” demanded Leonard. “I need to know, because of -”

“Nope.” Nyota dismissed him promptly. “Not telling. Now, what brings you to the library at nine o’clock on a Saturday morning?”

“Jim,” Leonard confessed, and Nyota looked at him like he’d grown an extra head.

“Let’s get breakfast,” she said decisively. “I can see we have some things to talk about.” She grabbed him by the arm and steered him out of the library, paying the irate librarian no attention; Leonard followed her. He’d already eaten, but he might need some coffee for this conversation. Maybe even spiked coffee. He rethought that, in light of last night, but he could always use another cup of coffee.

“Wait, really?” Nyota asked, squinting and leaning forward across the table. “You’re saying _you_ started this, right?”

“Yes,” confirmed Leonard, crossing his arms grumpily.

“Dammit.” Nyota slammed a hand against the table, earning her a glare from the waitress. “I owe Gaila forty credits.”

“What?” asked Leonard incredulously. “You were betting on us? Really?”

“Really,” said Nyota, laughing. “Oh man, when you guys moved in together, we doubled the stakes.”

“I expected better from you,” Leonard muttered. “But if it makes you feel any better, me and Gaila are taking bets on you and -”

“Spock, right?” Nyota finished his sentence, laughing. “Who bet what?”

“I bet end of the year, Gaila bet by spring break,” admitted Leonard. Nyota laughed.

“I guess you owe Gaila money, too,’ she said, in between giggles.

“Dammit!” Leonard swore. “Are you fucking serious?”

“Yep!” Nyota did her best to stop laughing, taking a sip of coffee and recomposing herself. “But now, back to the interesting stuff. You and Jim.”

“Okay, what about it?” asked Leonard. “I kind of told you the good stuff already.”

“Oh, no you didn’t,” argues Nyota. “I have all kinds of questions. And not kinky ones,” she adds in response to his unimpressed look. “First of all - did you like it?”

“What?”

“You heard me - did you like it?”

“Um.” Leonard swallowed hard. “Yes. I did.”

“So why didn’t you say anything to him this morning? That would be a lot more, uh, straightforward,” Nyota pointed out, leaning back in her chair. “Now you guys are playing a game of who’s going to say something about it first. Which is not good.”

Leonard groaned. “He just caught me off guard and I didn’t know what to say, I guess.  And it’s not like he probably liked it, so….”

“Ah, but you don’t know that unless you ask him,” said Nyota serenely. “So, what are you gonna do about it? You live together. Someone is gonna have to do something. You can’t avoid this forever.”

As it turned out, Leonard could damn well try.

He started by picking up extra clinic shifts. He stayed late at the library, studying for astronavigation and all of the other pilot-certification classes he hated and had always claimed he’d never need. He got up early in the morning and went to the gym; Starfleet officers had to be fit, right? In all, he had his life under better control than he’d had it since the divorce; he spent time with Nyota, was ahead of schedule in all of his classes, and had a goddamn workout schedule. He had it under control in every area except one; Jim.

Jim, for his part, also kept to himself. They went out drinking with Nyota and Gaila every so often, and still met for lunch, but he perceived Leonard’s avoidance and left him the hell alone. He spent more time in the simulators, practicing his flight and combat skills, and more time in the practice courts and the gym. He came up with every excuse to not be in their room, which, for a guy like Jim, wasn’t hard.

Nyota and Gaila thought the whole thing was ridiculous.

“They can’t avoid each other forever,” Nyota said to Gaila over coffee, somewhat morosely. “Man, this has gone all wrong. It’s so awkward now.”

“Yeah,” agreed Gaila. “What morons. I told Jim to do something about it, but it’s been two weeks and I’m pretty sure he hasn’t.” She stirred her coffee absently, twirling the spoon in her fingers. “What are we gonna do about it?”

“What _can_ we do about it?”

“I dunno, sleep with one of them?” suggested Gaila. “Create some jealousy.”

“If you wanna do that, feel free, but I’ll pass,” said Nyota, giggling. “It might work, though. And we know that Leonard has a thing for Jim….”

“Mm, I would love to get in Leonard’s pants,” said Gaila, a little dreamily. “I mean, I certainly wouldn’t ever get in the way of him and Jim, but I can appreciate a good looking guy when I see him.”

“It’d be pretty underhanded to sleep with one of them, though,” said Nyota thoughtfully. “Maybe we can lock them in a broom closet or something.”

“Well, that would definitely work,” said Gaila sarcastically. “Whatever. If they’re gonna be stupid, let’s leave them to it. I’d rather talk about something more interesting.” She paused for a minute. “On second thought, maybe sleeping with one of them wouldn’t be such a bad idea.”

Gaila cornered Leonard in the student lounge on a foggy morning the next week - early enough that Jim wasn’t likely to be up and interrupt her, so Gaila didn’t hesitate to take Leonard by the elbow and drag him into the nearest supply closet.

“Gaila, pardon me, but what the hell?” Leonard asked, extricating his arm from her hand. His hair was mussed in a way that Gaila found positively endearing, but he was cocking his head at her and wrinkling his nose in a way that told her he was annoyed, even if he’d never admit it out loud.

“I,” she announced grandly, “have an idea.”

Leonard just stared at her.

“Don’t you want to hear it?”

Leonard sighed. “Fine.”

Five minutes later, they slipped out of the supply closet hand in hand, Leonard’s hair even more mussed and traces of her lip gloss on his cheek. He looked absolutely dazed, Gaila noted to her satisfaction.

She was even more satisfied when Jim rounded the corner into the lounge, then promptly turned around and walked back out. He clearly thought they hadn’t noticed him; Gaila didn’t mention it to Leonard. Instead, she planted another kiss coyly at the corner of his mouth, glancing to the hallway where Jim was walking resolutely in the other direction.

She made a point of being in Leonard’s personal space as much as possible from then on out. Leonard, for his part, played along, but she could tell he didn’t mind. For one thing, he agreed to play her little game in the first place; for two, he’d press closer to her sometimes, when he thought no one was paying attention. He liked to hold her hand, sometimes absentmindedly running his thumb along hers. He struck her as the kind of person who enjoyed the presence of another human being, sometimes, and also as the kind of person who wasn’t touched with affection often enough. So when he crowded up against her, she’d rest her hand on the small of his back, just light enough to let him know she was paying attention.

Neither Jim nor Nyota commented; everything carried on as usual, with just a little less personal space. And a lot more kissing. It turned out that Leonard was a great kisser; soft and sensitive - and _responsive_. If Gaila noticed that things between him and Jim seemed strained, well, that was for them to work out.

It was a week before Leonard turned to her and said, “You know, I’m feeling kinda guilty about this.”

They were in her dorm room; he was helping her with her basic med training class, walking her through techniques for CPR and tourniquets, things that could save a life before medical help arrived. For the most part, they were actually studying, but when Leonard said that, Gaila set down her PADD.

“Why?” she asked, genuinely curious. He just shook his head.

“I mean, it’s a little manipulative,” he said apologetically. “And it seems to bother him. You can’t tell me you haven’t noticed how tense things are lately.”

“Look at it this way, Len,” Gaila said. “You like kissing and touching me, right?”

“Yeah,” Leonard mumbled. He wouldn’t meet her eyes, so Gaila walked her fingers over to his hand and wound her fingers between his.

“I do, too,” she said firmly. “And we’re both adults, neither of us with any commitments to other people, so what’s to stop us from doing what we like?”

“Nothing, when you put it like that.” Leonard smiled wryly, squeezing her hand. She squeezed back.

“If Jim doesn’t like it, he can grow up and tell you how he feels about it. And as for you and I - no matter what happens, or doesn’t, with you and Jim - I’ll always be your friend.”

It all came to a head when Jim rocked the boat one morning a few weeks later.

Jim had come back, early, to their room to Leonard sprawled on the couch, covered in papers and books, sound asleep. Jim had touched his shoulder, roused him gently, only to earn himself a glare, and a door in his face.

Not that it was unusual for Leonard, it really wasn’t, but the whole situation was out of control.

Jim was done, finished. With all of it. He was tired of living like this. Tired of walking on eggshells, and missing his best friend.

“Bones,” He started.

Leonard looked up from his book, half-startled. He hadn’t directly spoken to Jim any more than necessary in what felt like weeks. They had tiptoed around each other for so long, he wasn’t sure where they stood, anymore.

“Jim.” Leonard said flatly.

“What the hell is going on?” Jim asked, gesturing wildly. “What happened to us? I don’t get it. One day we’re best friends, and then….” he pursed his lips, grimacing, “and now you and Gaila can’t keep your hands off each other? What’s a guy supposed to think, Bones?”

Jim exhaled in a rush, not giving Leonard any time to interject, and pushed frustrated hands through his hair. “I can’t fucking do this with you. I can’t keep living on this cliff by myself. Either jump with me, or push me off, but don’t leave me hanging here. I can’t take it anymore.”

Leonard snapped his book closed and tossed it behind him in the chair as he stood. “What the hell are you going on about?”

“You know damn well what I’m talking about!” Jim roared. “This!! Not talking to each other. Avoiding each other like the plague. And whatever the hell your thing with Gaila is. I’m sick of it, Bones. Get it over with already. Bite the proverbial bullet.”

“You want to talk about it? Fine.” Leonard said, crossing his arms. “I’m listening.”

“Oh, of course you are.”

“And that’s not childish.”

“Would it kill you-”

“Yes, actually it might.”

“-to admit you liked it as much as I did!”

Leonard frowned as Jim stared at him, waiting for some sort of a response, positive or otherwise. It was very quiet in the room, both of them assessing the other silently, and nerve-wracking. Jim felt the tension build up around them, and now it felt like it was crashing down in waves.

It was uncomfortable. Jim couldn’t remember ever feeling uncomfortable around Leonard. Even that first day, something had been easy and simple about the man sitting next to him, offering him a drink. Careless, and free.

Now,it was like someone could knock him over with a feather.

“Jim, don’t be ridiculous.” Leonard said softly. “You don’t have to fabricate something that isn’t there. I was drunk, and-”

There it was, right there. The same, silly little reason neither of them were willing to take that last step towards each other. Doubt.

Jim took two steps forward, and kissed Leonard as soundly as he could manage. When Leonard didn’t put up a fuss, or try to turn away, Jim pulled him in with a hand at the small of his back.

“Now wait just a second,” Jim murmured into Leonard’s neck. “You’ve gotta tell me about the thing with Gaila. I’m really confused.”

Leonard giggled hoarsely, a little giddy from the sudden turn in events. “Gaila and I,” he gasped, “oh my God, Jim, it was her big idea to make you jealous. I mean, I like kissing her, but she’s rooting for us.”

“Are you serious?” muttered Jim, resting his forehead against Leonard’s collarbone in mock defeat.

“Serious,” Leonard assured him, not sure whether to laugh or cringe.

“Fuck. Whatever.” Jim leaned in to kiss Leonard again. In between presses of his lips, he muttered, “You lucky bastard. I wouldn’t mind a chance to kiss Gaila.”

“Maybe if you ask nice, she’ll let you.”

There wasn’t much talking after that; the second time was nothing like the first time. Worlds away, in fact. Less clumsy, and more skilled. Less awkward angles, and more symmetry. Leonard moved his own hands to rest of Jim’s hips, thumbs rubbing absently under Jim’s shirt as they kissed easily. Lazily.

They pulled apart, separated slowly. Jim swiped at his mouth with his right hand, grinned at Leonard. “Not drunk this time around, right?”

“Right.” Leonard sat down heavily in his chair again. “If you think this means I’m doing your laundry, you’d be barking up the wrong tree, pal.”

But he was smiling when Jim leaned in for another quick kiss. In Leonard talk, that was practically a declaration of love as far as Jim was concerned.

“But you’ll write that paper I was supposed to be working on when I was avoiding you.” Jim hedged.

“You’re a big boy now, Jim. Big boys bribe. With money.”

“What about sexual favors?”

Leonard choked.

Gaila remarked on the difference in Jim the next day in between class. “Looking better, Kirk! You finally grow a pair?”

Jim turned, walking backwards through the hallway, and fist pumped with a huge grin on his face.

Gaila laughed, “Well, it’s about time. Go get ‘em, tiger.”

“It’s too early for this, Jim.”

“That’s not what you were saying ten minutes ago.”

“You’re just doing a terrible job of convincing me that sex is a better option than my bed right now. For that matter, why aren’t we having sex _in_ bed?“

“I seem to recall someone wanting a glass of milk in the middle of the night like the good ole southern boy he is.” Jim plastered himself against his back. “Sort of ridiculous if you ask me.”

“Just because it’s primarily a placebo doesn’t mean it doesn’t work.”

“Oh my God, are we going to have sex or not?”

“Sex?” Gaila’s curly red hair preceded her into the kitchenette as she stuck her head around the corner, eyebrows raised and grinning. “Who’s having sex? Can I come?”

“Yeah!” Jim exclaimed at the same time Leonard grumbled, “Gaila, what the hell are you doing in the kitchen at three in the morning?”

“What are _you_ doing in the kitchen at three in the morning?” Gaila flounced over to them, smirking. “That was one yes, can I get two?”

“Come on, Bones.” Jim turned his best pleading look onto Leonard, but Leonard wasn’t having any of it.

“No,” he grumbled. “We’re not having sex, Gaila. Jim has grossly misled you. We are going back to bed.” He finished the statement in a tone that brooked no arguments, and completely ignored Jim’s resulting pout.

“But Bones!” he whined. “How could you decline the pretty lady! Come on.”

“No,” said Leonard flatly. “Not until I’ve gotten another three hours of sleep, at least.” He grabbed his glass of milk and stomped out of the kitchen. Jim trailed behind him.

“Sorry about him,” Jim called out over his shoulder. “You know what he’s like before he’s had his coffee. Maybe next time!” He did his best to flash a hopeful grin at her on his way out the door.

“I’ll hold you to that!” Gaila said to their retreating backs, then chuckled and helped herself to the last slice of cake.

  


“Jim, did you hack my student account?”

Uhura had cornered him in the student lounge where they’d all been studying; Gaila and Leonard had excused themselves to go in search of more snacks. So Jim was pretty terrified; the sight of Uhura towering over him with her hands on her hips and her eyebrows raised disapprovingly was enough to terrify anyone.

“Uh, what?” he responded as eloquently as he could manage, trying to plaster an innocent look onto his face. “I dunno what you’re talking about.”

“Sure you don’t,” said Uhura dryly, rolling her eyes. “I’m not stupid, Kirk, and Gaila knows how to hack, too. What I want to know is why.”

“Why would I do something like that?” Jim asked, looking anywhere but right at her.

“I don’t know, Jim, why would you?” she retorts, leaning down to make very intimidating eye contact.

Jim swallowed hard. “Um….” he mumbled, licking his lips nervously and trying to stall. Uhura straightened back up and regarded him with a smug, predatory look.

“I’ll tell you my first name someday, Jim,” she said loftily, “but until then, I’m going to have to ask you to stay out of my files.”

“I will!” Jim rushed to assure her, looking up earnestly. “No hacking. I promise.”

“That’s not good enough, Jim. See if I don’t make you swear it. I know the binding rituals in seven languages, you know. And some of them require the person making the oath to be naked under the light of a full moon. I’m sure that would make for some interesting pictures.”

Jim gaped at her. “Are you blackmailing me? With evidence you don’t even have yet?”

“Yes,” said Uhura smartly, then turned on her heel and sauntered away, leaving Jim a strange mixture of entranced and completely terrified. He made a point of never referring to her as “Nyota -” at least not until she told him he could.

“I think I’d like to end up in command.” Jim said. “You know, eventually.”

“Well, naturally.” Leonard started. “But we can’t always get what we want.”

“Telling me to shoot lower, Bones? I’m surprised.”

“I’m just saying we should be realistic.”

Uhura sighed, “I’d like to actually use the languages I’ve got under my belt instead of translating the same books over and over again. I want to actually talk to people, you know?”     

“Now that, that’s realistic,” said Leonard, gesturing at Uhura. “You speak like ten languages. They’d be stupid to not use that.”

Jim elbowed Leonard, scowling. “And my goals aren’t realistic? Gee, thanks, Bones!”

Leonard rolled his eyes. “God help the ship under your command,” he muttered under his breath. Jim looked very insulted, and Uhura and Gaila giggled.

“What about you, Leonard?” Gaila asked, leaning forward and resting her elbows on her knees.

“I’d like a nice posting right here on the ground, thank you very much,” Leonard declared seriously. Jim snorted.

“After all those flight and piloting classes you took? We’ll see about that, Bones.”

Leonard glared at Jim. “You bullied me into that. You, however, are not in charge of my assignment.”

“We’ll see,” is all Jim would say, grinning.”Hey we should do something, just the four of us. You know, after this semester is over.”

“Excuse me, no one asked me what I want to do after graduation,” interrupted Gaila, waving her hand in front of Jim’s face and then settling her hands on her hips expectantly.

“I’ll bite,” said Uhura. “So, what are your big hopes and dreams, Gaila?”

“I wanna see the universe, obviously,” she replied, rolling her eyes. “And maybe revolutionize warp technology or something while I’m at it.”

“You would,” muttered Leonard, smiling in spite of himself.

“Okay, okay. Back to summer plans!” Jim vaguely attempted to get everyone’s attention again. When everyone was looking at him exasperatedly, he cleared his throat and carried on.

“Now, as I was saying, I think we should all do something together once the semester’s over. You know, to celebrate surviving our first year.”

“Like what?” asked Leonard dubiously. “Because if it’s illegal -”

“Oh, relax, Bones,” said Jim, waving his hand dismissively. “I was just thinking something like a road trip. You know, for a little change of pace.”

“Oh, God. A road trip.” Leonard whined. “That means being stuck in a car with you people.”

“You’ll love it.” Gaila said. “I think it’s a great idea.”

“But where would we go?” asked Uhura, ever the practical one. She had narrowed her eyes, like she was considering it, but she wouldn’t agree until she knew exactly what she was signing up for.

“Somewhere with a beach,” said Jim decisively. “A real one, not the sad little strip of shoreline this place calls a beach.”

“Well, that leaves either this coast or the other one,” said Leonard thoughtfully. “Or down south, I suppose…”

“I don’t want to spend days in the car, though,” objected Gaila. “I get motion-sick in those stupid little things. If we’re not gonna take a shuttle, it has to be the west coast.”

“West coast, it is.” Jim decided. “How about Oregon? Far enough away, but not too far. And I hear the beaches are lovely and sandy.”

“You’ve already decided where you want to go,” accused Leonard, and Jim just shrugged with a lopsided smile.

“Are we all in agreement, then?” he asked. Everyone nodded but Uhura.

“Is this just the four of us, or can we invite people?” she asked hesitantly. Gaila seemed to be picking up on what she had in mind, and was shaking her head in a subtle attempt to discourage her.

“Who were you thinking of inviting?” asked Jim suspiciously, and Uhura sighed.

“Spock,” she admitted, somewhat sheepishly.

“Uhura, _no_ ,” said Jim, horrified. “You can’t invite a _professor_ on our road trip! We’re gonna get fuckin wasted and shit.”

“Fine.” Uhura huffed indignantly.

“Are you still coming?” Jim asked. Uhura sighed.

“I’m in.”

“This fucking couch.” Leonard hissed. “Remind me whose idea it was to bring this stupid thing.”

“Yours, Bones.”

Jim was sitting on the back of the couch, on the roof of the car. There was a length of rope in his hand that he was using to tie it down.

Leonard was holding it up.

“Would you hurry up. Jesus on the cross, this thing is heavy.”

“Why are we bringing a couch to the beach, anyways?” asked Gaila thoughtfully, watching from the sidelines.

“I have no fucking idea,” said Jim cheerfully from his perch. “Ask Bones.”

“I just thought..” Leonard huffed, grabbing the couch and lifting it further. “That it would be nice to sit on the beach. On the actual couch.”

“You are a man who likes his comforts, aren’t you,” remarked Gaila, giggling. “Either that, or you just don’t want sand in your underwear. Don’t worry. It will happen whether you like it or not.”

Leonard turned to glare at her, letting the couch slip a little bit.

“Oi!” Jim shouted at him, scrambling and a little panicked as the couch tilted dangerously. “Watch it, unless you want to start this trip with a medical emergency!”

“I wouldn’t call you bashing your head in a medical emergency,” retorted Leonard, steadying the couch again. “You do it like, every damn day.”

“Oh, shut up,” Jim muttered.

“Are we ready to go yet?” asked Nyota as she approached the car, duffel bag in hand. Regarding the shenanigans that were happening on the car, she rolled her eyes and said to Gaila, “how long have they been at this?”

“A very, very long time,” replied Gaila solemnly, and the two of them dissolved into giggles.

“Okay!” Jim announced, dropping down from the car. “I think we’re ready to go, if we just toss this stuff in the trunk.”

“Finally,” muttered Leonard. “We were supposed to leave an hour ago.”

Five minutes later, they were pulling out onto the highway with Leonard behind the wheel and already sick of Jim’s backseat driving.

“Bones, I think you should -”

“For fuck’s sake, Jim, don’t make me turn this car around!”


End file.
